


The wives of Amber

by Florimel



Series: The wives of Amber [1]
Category: Chronicles of Amber - Roger Zelazny
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-18
Updated: 2014-05-19
Packaged: 2018-01-19 20:31:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1482916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Florimel/pseuds/Florimel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Amber will always be the only wife its king will be faithful to”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The witch

**Author's Note:**

> Before reading:
> 
> 1) First about Oberon: there is a lot of images of the King of Amber. Many of them are the one of an old man and I don't like that. I'd like to stick to Zelazny's one saying Oberon looked middle-aged when Corwin's saga begin. Second, I don't think he's the cruel bastard many think he is. I think he can be mean when it's needed but I think he will always put Amber first in every part of his life, and that's what made him give his life to save it at the end. Oberon is my favorite character in the books.
> 
> 2) Some ideas were borrowed from Betancourt's novels. The Shadow of Mu is the idea of the website Amber VSC (Ambre version sans Chaos) a french site of an Amber RPG. The characters and Amber Chronicles belong to Roger Zelazny.
> 
> 3) Please I beg your indulgence for my english. It's only my second language. I hesitated first between writing the fic in english or in french but I thought it could be a good idea to give it a try in english.
> 
> 4) Since it’s about Oberon, no need to tell the story is rated M. ^_^

It was midsummer night, if I may use those words without sounding peculiar. It was already past midnight and I was bored. The outcome of things however had been interesting, leading towards Amber’s favour in all ways. Not that I was really worried about that. When the rulers of the Shadow of Mu knew I was coming in person instead of the usual Amber’s ambassador, I believe they decided it was better to go according to Amber’s plan instead of starting to negotiate some compromise leading in their favour. With time, many kingdoms learned that the King of Amber wasn’t a man who could easily bend to any whim they had in mind when it was time to negotiate with Amber.  
I was sitting in a large comfortable chair near the ambassador of Mu and some other dignitary who talked most of the night about his untamed hate for his ex-wife and how a divorce could lead a man into bankruptcy. It makes me smile, though.  
As I was sipping my wine - quite excellent by the way - she was there. And she has a way to enter a room, a way which would still keep making me shaky even after all those years. Other women entered the room with her, by the main large double doors of the hall. But I saw none of them, except her. It was the way she had to draw all eyes on her, knowing it without any care.  
She was small and quite thin, missed certain curves I normally used to appreciate on a woman. However the royal blue dress she was wearing showed enough of pale, generous breast under the satin of the fabric. Her bare arms were slender, as the magnificent curve of her neck and the line traced by her collarbones painting a supernatural hollow, like a marble statue.  
But it was the shimmering glow of her magnificent red hair, the same very color of autumn leaves on Arden’s fall sunny days. It was falling in large generous curls down her back, freely. It was quite unusual in a place like this, with people like this, for a woman to keep her hair free.  
From my seat, I could only guess the color of her eyes but I was certain they were the same exact blue than her dress. Her face was caught between the one of a teen and the one of a woman, I was unsure if it was because of her thin snub nose or those high cheeks.  
I never saw a woman so astonishingly beautiful and appealing in my life - and believe me - I’ve seen a lot of woman.  
The dignitary at my side snorted behind his glass “witches” he said in a low voice, as only to himself but just enough for me to hear it. “They just get out of their covent to play with those poor desperate men and to steal enough of them to buy fancy clothes to be able to come again in place like this and start over again. Nonsense.”  
I looked back at her, but she was gone, talking to a group who came quickly at her as soon as she entered the room, like flies with honey.  
I thought of just standing up and going to her, my only presence would make them fly away. But I knew better. In some instant, she’ll know by some other guest _who_ is visiting tonight and there is a strong probability the name Oberon of Amber will ring some bell. So I’ll wait, until she comes.

There was something about being the one who would wait for her to come to me.  
There was something about not letting her win.  
I think it was our first battle. It wasn’t our last.  
I won this first, because some time after, she walked in a graceful and careful way towards me, her eyes never leaving mine. I was right, they matched her dress. She was plenty aware of the effect she had on men, in perfect control.

She was holding her glass with two hands, her slender fingers gently curled around the shape of the crystal. When she stopped, one step ahead of the usual distance the etiquette dictated fitting in front of a king, there was something of a half curious, half predatory in her eyes.  
“Your majesty” she said, bowing her head “I am pleased to have the chance to meet you”  
I know all the eyes were on us without looking. First because most of the time all the eyes are always on me, whatever I am doing. But this time it was because, as a complete stranger, she approached me alone, without proper introduction.  
This big breaking to the decorum managed to make sure every one in the room was looking at us while faking doing something else. I was used to this, and she doesn't seemed at all disturbed by it either.

It was better to play safe in this one, since I wanted our talk to become boring to the eye of the watcher and then to be sure the attention of the crowd will be drawn elsewhere.

"My lady" I said, extending my hand to take hers "I don't think I have the honour to know you"

She seemed amused for a moment then she slid her hand into mine. As I kissed it, I smelled flowers over her skin. I couldn't name it though.

"I'm Clarissa Handrel" I rise back and saw she looked briefly at the dignitary near us who was looking elsewhere without missing a bit of what was happening between us. "I'm sorry to disappoint but the introduction stops here. I have no extra titles to go with my name"

I smiled "Titles are often overrated"

She smiled back but mockingly. "This coming from the King of Amber, I suppose make the comment irrelevant"

This was arrogance, but coming from her lips it was a bitter-sweet one. There was a drive in her, something daring. She was comfortable to go beyond predefined lines. This was something fresh and I was ready to give a try.

I decided to ignore the comment. "You seem quite known here" I said instead.

"We have been invited by the ambassador who is a friend of mine." She answered, looking towards the small group of women who came with her sooner. “I assume” she said, “that it's the royal wedding who pulled you this far from the Eternal City”.  
“It is a part of the reason of my presence here, yes.” I answered, taking a sip of my wine.  
“It must be boring for you” She looked around her, nowhere in particular “going into places that are only pale shadows of the mighty Amber”  
I smiled, there was something in her voice, each time she was mentioning Amber, bitterness perhaps. She looked at me again, this time she was waiting for my answer, as if testing me. I could play that game. “You have some animosity against Amber, my lady?” I said with a very subtle but certain warning tone. But then she smiled at me again, a honest and charming smile who moved me more than I actually wanted.  
“I wouldn’t dare, Sire.” A lie, and she wanted me to know it was.  
Less subtle than many enemies who wouldn’t dare saying such a thing, and backstab you after that. For some moments, I thought about leaving the villa with her, I also thought of taking her now, in front of everyone, just to teach her a lesson about what is the cost to hold some animosity against Amber. Even if those thoughts often cross my mind, I hopefully never do it - it tends to end political relationships quite drastically.  
I looked around quickly, many returned to their initial talks and some were just leaving the villa since it was already late. I offered Clarissa my arm without any more words. If she was clever enough she’ll know what I meant by that.  
Clever girl, she took it, her smile still playing on her lips. We walked in silence outside to the courtyard. There was some light coming by the windows but the gardens were lost in the darkness. After some steps on the dark alley she suddenly laughed. “Well I must admit I’m impressed. Without any word you made me follow you in this dark garden.” She stopped, her eyes into mine and she seemed deceived “A true king.”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “What were you expecting?”  
She shook her head slightly, red curls moving on her shoulders. “A arrogant, pretentious man with no regal.”  
“I’m sorry to disappoint. But be sure I can be arrogant and pretentious if I want.” I replied with an amused smile. “Having bad experience with a liege or you’ve heard some bad rumours about me?” I asked her.  
“Perhaps both, Sire.”  
I moved my head towards the villa behind us. “Back there, some called you and your friends witches.”  
“Figuratively.”  
“It sounded quite the literal witch thing, as I recall.” I replied, now more serious. I dislike witches.  
“You don’t like witches?” she had defiant eyes now.  
“You don’t like kings.”  
She laughed. She didn’t answered the question. How Amber-like. But I was a few thousands steps ahead of her in that game, for I ruled Amber.

Out of every possibilities, she took a step closer. I could smell flowers again. It was lys now I was sure. She extend her hand, touching my arm with the tip of her fingers. She raised her eyes at me again, I saw power in them, and lust.  
Wait. One step ahead of me? How is that even possible.  
“What if I was a witch?” she asked softly.  
“I think I can handle it.” I replied. My tone had changed, something I didn’t exactly planned.  
“You think?” She drew her body closer to mine, shifting on tiptoes, her lips almost brushed mine. “I could hurt you, you know. Put some spell on you and ensure your loyalty forever. Take your away from your realm, your crown.”  
Enough. There was a limit of how much arrogance I could handle, even from a woman so gorgeous. She may have some appeal but I was a king. I lift her chin with a finger, firm enough to be sure she’ll understand I was serious. I locked my eyes on hers. “Mind your words, my lady.”  
She didn’t move. From the way she looked, she seemed to consider her own options. Something between us was tense, heavy. We both felt it, but none of us wanted to abandon to it first. It would have meant surrender, it would have meant defeat. I could feel her chest going up and down more heavily against me and I thought of the curve of her breasts raising with each breath. But looking down at those beauties would also mean loosing battle so I didn’t.  
“You want me, Sire” she said simply, no trace of any emotion in her voice. Just an observation. “As you do.” I said, another observation.

This could have gone for hours, but I was tired to wait. I lifted her chin higher and lean down to kiss her deeply. But she wasn’t the kind of woman to put her weapons down so easily. Clarissa wasn’t like any kind of women I’ve know - and believe me, I’ve known a lot of women. 

I felt at first she was startled and I could tell, aroused. I wasn’t really surprised for I knew myself to have a certain talent with those things. Never understood why exactly, if it was something I was _doing_ or just what I was being. When you wear a crown, it is very difficult to know if women are attracted to you for what you are or for the crown itself. Or both. Perhaps a lot of ladies don’t know themselves, not being able to make sense of things. Well I am able to, with all those years. I know I’m quite the charming guy and I know I’m damn good with lovemaking and all that stuff. The crown, well, is an extra who is helping a lot to strengthen the rest. That, and the fact sex is the thing I enjoy the most in existence help keeping me very high in my mistresses’s esteems.  
So we were kissing and she was aroused, pressing her perfect body against mine with insistence. But, as I was thinking about the where and the how our inevitable intercourse would take place, she pushed me away, gently but her move was firm, confident.  
“Oberon of Amber, if you think you can have me this easily you really are the lecherous idiot they painted me before.” she said, frowning.  
I said nothing, watching her defiantly.  
“You think you can just walk in a shadow, take the woman you want, bed her and throw her away after you get bored of her?”  
 _Absolutely_ was my first idea for an answer.  
But I wanted to take her and bed her. Too soon to talk about the “throw away” part. So I choose my words carefully. She wanted fight before sex, I can give her that. I smirked.  
“May I remind you that you chased me first, my lady.” I took a step forward whispering at her ear “I was in that room first and you stepped over all etiquette to talk to me. I think …” the scent of her hair was overwhelming. I lifted her chin again towards me, gently forcing her to look at me in the eyes “I think you schemed to come here in this garden. To be alone with that lecherous idiot.”

She didn’t even look upset. “I wanted to know if you would fall for it easily.”  
I grinned. “I willingly felt for it, why wouldn’t I?” I walked around her, considering her openly. They way you consider a your plate before a meal. “I don’t see why I would miss such an opportunity.”  
“I may not be the woman you need, Sire” she said. In her voice, there was a warning.”I may not be the woman you expect.”  
I stopped, amused. “Humor me, my lady. What I am expecting?”  
She looked at me from head to toe, considering me, as I did. Whatever I was doing to make her bend, she was able to strike back. She titled her head, smirking. “Let’s see.” She began, coming closer “Beautiful. Soft. Discreet.” She traced my bottom lip with her fingertips. “Willing. Submissive”

I closed my eyes. Her voice was captivating. I could have just stayed there, motionless, listening at her voice, feeling her breath so close. “I am nothing of those, Sire.”  
For no particular reason, I kept my eyes closed. I heard the sound of rumpled fabric, and I felt she stepped away from me after what seemed to be seconds. As I opened my eyes, already missing her near me, I saw her, sitting on a stone bench in the darkness, naked. The dim light of a very shy moon was painting her skin with a pale blue shade but even in that darkness I could see the bright ginger colour of her hair. She wasn’t even trying to hide her perfect-in-all-ways breasts behind her curls.  
“This is what I am. I am bare, I am ruthless and wicked.” Even those words seemed delicious coming from her lips.  
I didn’t move, as if I was afraid she would be gone if I will, like a ghost or a dream. I suppose this is at this very moment I lost self-control. Which is not a good thing for a ruler. Never I’ve lost self-control.  
Except with Clarissa Handrel.

She had no shame and no inhibitions during sex. She was sincere and never faking anything. When she wanted to say something, cry or moan or scream, she did. I stopped considering myself as the lustful one when I slept with Clarissa for the first time. Well, I was second best and it suited me well.  
There are some few woman who like to be on top of things. Some do it out of curiosity, some do it because their lover is too boring, few do it for the real thing. None do it properly. Reason is simple, woman are no man. It may sound misogynist but it’s true. Woman are not meant to be on top, especially not when they lie with a king.

Still.  
I was lying on the stone bench, half undressed, looking at this gorgeous woman on the top of me. (I told you I lost self-control) I also changed my opinion. This woman could be on top of things with a great deal of talent for it. Even perhaps on the top of a king, but I’m still thinking about it. Three times I tried to pin her on the stone, three time I failed. Well the word _failed_ is to be used cautiously, obviously being who I am I could have really tried and succeed. But I never use physical strength to control a woman since it’s disloyal - part of my code of honor.  
For some moments she seemed just enjoying the whole thing without even taking note of me. It doesn’t mattered, I was just enjoying the performance. There wasn’t any word to describe how gorgeous was the sight of her, her eyes closed and her features showing nothing but apparent and honest pleasure. Her moves were mesmerizing, it was beyond lust, beyond pleasure. I was trapped in this tight sanctuary of moistness and warmth that was her and I did something I haven’t done for many years I cannot even remember. I let go, let go of everything, without even realizing it. I forgot who I was, what I was standing for. There was me and there was her and this blissful moment.  
Did she noticed this change in me, in some way, I don’t know. It was quite brutal, I never forget who I am, for it is inscribed in my blood.  
She leaned down over me, her hips never stopping her unmerciful moves. I could feel her breasts brushing against my chest, and her lips against mine. “Kiss me, Oberon”

I vaguely realized she used my first name only, no titles, nothing but me. I kissed her passionately with no afterthoughts.

****

The day after, I was back in Amber as scheduled. I left the shadow Mu with a successful treaty and Clarissa Handrel with a promise to see her again, because we both agreed sex with each other was too good to no give it another try.  
Usually, coming back to Amber was enough to put me back on the ruler mood and stop whatever fantasy I was living in shadow. What I lived in the shadows felt real as long as I was still there. But only Amber was true, only Amber was real. And as soon as I lay my eyes on Amber when I was coming back, everything else seemed irrelevant. Time never faded this feeling. It was an never-ending effect, the sensation to be at the right place, to _belong_ here, body and soul. It was something imperishable. I could get tired of my job, of my wives or even of my own children but never, never I could get tired of coming back to Amber, raising my eyes to the first high golden towers coming at sight in the morning sun and the shades of light shyly touching the Kolvir, hearing the city waking up, sounds and scents.  
For the eye of the common visitor, Amber is the Eternal City, everlasting. For the eyes of the inhabitants she is still and never changing.  
There are a few, I included, who still remember Amber hadn’t always been what she was now. Who have laid their eyes on a savage Amber, small, vulnerable, still shaking on its own grounds, freshly created. For everyone, the image of Amber must be the one she is now, so I always kept those memories for myself but I never forget how she was first.  
And for those who noticed, yes, I refer to Amber as a she. I realize it’s not helping the misogynist portrait I’m often labeled to. But try to rule over a kingdom, sharing its success as its defeats, living for it, risking dying for it, giving each day of your life to it. Dame Margot, who lived in the court long enough, someday said “Amber will always be the only wife its king will be faithful to”. I couldn’t say better.

But, it wasn’t the same thing now. I couldn’t rest, couldn’t work. My thought stayed in that shadow, with her. I was pacing in my office, sipping a drink. From time to time I looked at the papers on my desk. But I couldn’t decide to sit and try to take care of them.

Don’t think I was missing her, it was only half true. You cannot really miss someone you’ve talked and bedded once. I was restless because the way I felt when I was with her, the way she made me abandon myself without any effort. I was part angry at myself for it and half wanted to start again.

Being in control is the key to rule effectively. Especially when it is Amber, constantly threatened or coveted. Being in control requires a lot of yourself. And tends to turn relationships - love, family, friends - into something awkward. You need to keep your distances, to trace a line between you and the rest of the world and make sure this line is to be seen and respected.

That night that line ceased to exist. Clarissa crossed it and I realized too late she did.

 

****

The second time we saw each other I decided to make sure this time she’ll understand she cannot cross that line. Didn’t worked at all. It finished exactly the same way as the first time except we spend the night together and wake up in the morning in the same bed - hers. We didn’t talk a lot.  
That time I learned she was living in a covent, with five other woman. I know enough to not believe her at all when she told me they were into herbs and botanics. There was a huge garden behind the covent - a cover. I could feel as soon as I entered the place many powers were pulsing there. The spikard around my finger pulsed slightly as soon as I stepped in the building. A warning, a small one. But I kept my conclusions for myself for now.

I won’t bore you with redundancy. What’s the point saying many times the same things, I’m sure you get the point. She was beautiful and beyond every definition of lust I could ever have written. Each time, I lost control of myself even if I swear to myself not to. So let’s review what happened new each time with saw each other.

The third time, I traveled to Mu and found a way to enter the covent without being discovered. I wanted to surprise her. I didn’t. “Oberon.” (she never used my titles since the first night). “I dreamed of you. I know you would come tonight.” It was full moon and she was gorgeous under the moonlight. Night suited her more than day. She was wearing a tight red satin dress fully opened to the side of one leg, showing the pale skin of her right thigh. Her hair was up in a complex style. I hated it. I wanted it free down her waist. “I was going to a little celebration at a friend home. Nothing official, you won’t be noticed. Would you come with me?” I stepped closer to her and looked down at the generous cleavage I had in sight, tracing softly the curve of her breast with my fingers. “I will at one condition.” she looked up, her gaze caught between amusement and defiance. “You will untie your hair.” She laughed. “I spend a lot of time doing this” she touched her hair. “You don’t like it?” It was clear she didn’t care if I liked it or not. I shook my head. She brushed softly her lips against mine, smiling. “I do not obey to such orders, Oberon.” I moved away, annoyed. It is annoying, I tell you, to not be obeyed when you always are.

She took my hand. “Do you dance?” she asked.

Oh yes I do, witch. Better than any man you know.  
“Possible.” I answered. 

“Then share a dance with me there, and if you’re good enough, I’ll untie my hair.” she said.

Another battle. For hairdressing. Peculiar but interesting. Because under that, there was again this quest for power over the other.

“Fine.” I said  
Our host as an old man who greeted Clarissa with warmth. Like she said, he didn’t recognized me at all. He thanked her for the potion she gave him, saying it was efficient and quick. Later in the night I heard he was freshly married to a young sweet lady after the so tragic accidental death of her wife who died of an unknown disease. 

The small mansion was filled with people, no one took notice of our arrival. I offered Clarissa a drink and we stayed a moment silent, looking at the dancers in the middle of the large room. “I suppose the potion was to treat rheumatisms.” I said with a smirk behind my glass.  
Clarissa turned to me faking an annoyed look. “What else could it be for?” I grinned, she was clever enough to know I didn’t believe her at all. “So what kind of sorceress are you?” I asked, more to know if she will dare answer me than to have a true answer. “The kind who do the job if you paid her enough.”  
Interesting. “So basically, you are whoring your talents to the best offer.”  
She didn’t even seemed angry at the comment. “I have no titles, no fortune and no family. I must earn a living some way or another.”

“Well the question is, would you do it anyway if you had all those things?”

“My talents wouldn't be for sale. But if your question is if I would keep being what I am, I would answer you that the sorceress and the woman cannot be dissociated.” she looked up at me and brushed my cheek. “As I suppose, the king and the man cannot either.”  
I smiled. It was sadly true, for both of us.

The music stopped and some of the dancers left the floor. Some other stepped in when the first laments of a violin started languorously. I offered Clarissa my hand and she took it. We stepped forward and took position. I recognized the first notes as soon as the violin started. Tango. It was already won. Clarissa looked at me with the eyes of a wounded beast as soon as she understood. This dance wasn’t built for a woman to take control. But we both agreed on the terms of our bet. She know she had already lost.  
Well if I couldn’t for now take control of her in bed, I could take control of her on a dance floor.

I took a firm grip of her waist as the violin sound became louder and I felt her body stiffens at first. I smiled wickedly. “Relax yourself, I’ll take care of you.” I saw a sparkle of hate in the blue of her eyes. But the music was loud now and the dance started, she couldn’t retreat.  
She was good but at first she didn’t wanted to. She had to agree to allow me to lead to be good and it wasn’t what she did at first. With every step, she tried to stay my equal, this wasn’t a dance for equals. But I finally made her bend, it took a firm grip and constant eye contact but I made it. After some minutes, she was willing to follow my lead and our dance was a damn good one, filled with longing and a quiet battle for control. When we reached the last step, everyone was looking at us. We must have done a good job. The final move made her fall back, half lying into my arms. I shifted my hand from her shoulder to her hair, found the right hairpin quickly (been quite an expert into that move, that an unlacing corsets), and I pulled it out. Her hair felt freely above the floor, she opened her eyes in surprise and annoyance. I put her back on her feet firmly. 

“I didn’t say you were good” she reminded me. 

“You know I was.” I answered, smirking. I give her back the hairpin. 

“Keep it. I know when it’s time to admit defeat. You were good. It will be a memory of your victory.” 

I smiled again. “Well I can expect having one each time we dance a tango, at least.”

 

Forth time, sex only. I was in a hurry.

Fifth time, there was the first classic request. “Take me to shadow.” she asked. I did, somewhere near Mu but different enough to impress her as she expected. That’s when I learned Clarissa wasn’t interested in the usual things woman ask from me, beside sex (which are in order of priority, sex, wealth, fame and love). Even the travel in shadow was different. It wasn’t the destination who was important for her. It was the _how_. The usual “It’s a complicated work of the will of the mind.” almost insulted her.  
She was riding with me on my horse, and we where almost arrived to the place I just imagined to be a good and quiet shadow to have intercourse without being disturbed.  
“Do not mistake me for the dumb princesses you usually bed, Oberon” I raised my eyes to the sky - she couldn’t see me anyway. “I won't swallow this dull generic answer. Tell me _how_.”  
“Why is it so important for you to know how?” I asked. “Even if I explain it to you, it’s a power you cannot possess.”

“Because I do not have the royal blood of Amber.”  
“Exactly.”  
“There is no one else who can do it? Travel into shadow?” she asked and I wondered if she already had the answer to that.  
“There is others, far away, at the other side of the universe.”  
“Chaos.” She said simply. I cursed to myself, the more she knows, the more she’ll ask.  
“Yes.” Short answers would perhaps save me from long explanations.

“You are using the power of the Pattern to switch from shadow to shadow?” I frowned. It wasn’t frequent someone out of Amber as mentioning the Pattern. Well at least not with the exact word. With distortion in the shadows and with the remoteness of the Reality, the Pattern, symbol of Order, become more and more a distorted legend the farer you go from its origin. Mu being far enough from Amber, I didn’t expect Clarissa would have heard of it by its real name.

“Switch isn’t exactly the right word for it. The shadows aren’t like islands floating in void, this is more like a fabric, they are interlaced.

“So you use the Pattern to move into that fabric until you are in the place you wished to be?” I was going to correct her again but why doing it. It was close enough. “Yes.”  
“How do you know you aren’t _creating_ those worlds and not _going_ to them?” 

I raised an eyebrow. Quite a quick learner she was. Quicker than I wanted.  
“I cannot answer that question.”  
“Why not?”  
“Because I don’t know the answer. Nobody knows.”  
“Are you doing it right now?” she turned her head towards me.

“Shifting shadows?”  
“Yes.”  
I nodded. She turned a little on the horse, as much as she could and put her hand on my chest, closing her eyes. I smiled, I know what she was trying to do. “I can’t feel it.” she said, she looked upset.  
“I don’t think you could have. You can feel the Pattern only if you have the imprint of it in you.”

She turned back.  
“Are you pouting?” I said, amused by her reaction.

“What else you can do using the Pattern?”  
“A lot of things.”  
“Tell me.”

“Well,” I grinned to myself “I can change a witch into a submissive dumb princess.”  
She bursted in laugh.  
“Oh, Oberon, I don’t think the Pattern is powerful enough to make you do such a thing.”  
“Ready to give a try?”

“Go on, I’m ready.”

I leaned down and whispered to her ear. “Marry me.”

Again laughs.  
“And where the Pattern is involved in that?”  
“The Pattern made me King, if I choose you for a wife, you will switch from a witch to a Queen and, with a great deal of chance, a submissive one. See? All the Pattern’s doing.”  
“Very funny.”

She didn’t ask about the Pattern for the rest of the travel. I managed to draw the attention elsewhere. By the way, I wasn’t serious about the marriage thing at this moment.

 

Sixth time nothing new happened. Well I’m sure you guessed what we did.

I have a number. Eight. I picked it for no reason. But I picked it. 

Seventh time, she asked me the second classic request. “I want to see Amber.”  
I never deny that request.  
But tomorrow. We stayed in Mu for the night.

Later we were both lying, exhausted, in her bed. Her head was resting on my chest, I was almost asleep. She was stroking my hand with her fingertips. She touched the spikard around my right middle finger.  
“This is a powerful artifact.” She said softly “That I can feel.”  
I frowned, keeping my eyes closed. Why she had to know all those things. Everything so simple when women don’t ask questions.

“Where did you find it?” she asked

“It was given to me, long ago.” I replied.

“Who?”  
“I don’t know his name.”

“You are lying to me.”  
“Not at all. It is true.”  
“Why are you so reticent giving me answers?” she asked, lifting on an elbow to look at me.

“May I remind you I answered each question you asked?”

“You answers are vague.” she said, frowning.  
“You are quite a curious woman.” I said, opening my eyes to look back at her.  
“The others never asked those questions?”  
I chuckled. “The others?”  
She raised one ginger eyebrow. “Yes.”  
“Oh you mean the dumb princesses I picked in shadow, bedded and thrown away after?” Irony isn’t my favourite tool but with her it worked.  
“Yes. Those ones.”  
“No. They didn’t. Well there were always usual curiosity. About Amber and about Shadow. But the how of things is never questioned.”  
“This is stupid.” she shook her head, her curls swirling around her. “To take things for granted. To not question them.”

She passed one leg over me and sat. She made sure the warmth between her thighs touched me at the right place. She stroked my stomach with her hands, thoughtfully.  
“What is the cost for all this power?” she asked without looking up.

“What do you mean?”  
“Well. When you take power from a source, it always cost something. You have to pay for the power you take.”

There was so many ways to answer that. In fact, I couldn’t be certain myself of the truth about that. If I wanted to sound like the ungrateful liege I could say that _I_ controlled the power of the Pattern and not the inverse, so I don’t have to give back anything. But it wasn’t the real truth. The truth is more complicated than that. The Pattern would let me take this power without making me pay for it as long as I ruled Amber and did my job correctly. The day I stop being useful enough, I’m sure I could be discarded easily. I never had any proof of this theory but I was certain it was true. It was going with Dworkin’s view about the whole thing: we were pawns. All of us. No matter what position we belong to into the game, we are still pawns and can be discarded according to the Powers’s will. My only existence was enough proof of it. For I came to this world for the only purpose to rule over Amber.  
“Oberon?” I must have been silent for a time now. I shook my head.

“There isn’t easy answer to that, Clarissa. It’s … complicated.” There was some tiredness in my voice for the first time since I know her she looked at me with soft and tender blue eyes.

She leaned down and kissed me. The first light of morning was already in the room and her hair turned into the same colours as fire. “We should go to sleep.” She whispered while kissing me but the slow, circling moves of her hips on me proved she has no intention to. I smiled. “Again, Clarissa?”  
She shifted her weight with catlike ease and again, this blissful warm and moist tightness was around me. Damn me, should I will ever be able to get used to her, to her moves, to the sight of her contemplating her own pleasure with no shame?  
Without being really aware of it, I raised my hands to take hold of her waist, wanting to pin her down the bed and take her properly. Old habits die hard what can I say? But she gripped my wrists, swinging them above my head, actually pinning _me_ to the bed. She kissed my again. “Stay still.” she said with a smile.  
I wanted to say something but I remained silent, remembering my picked number. Eight.  
The eight time, Clarissa, you won’t be allowed to be on top again. You witch.  
Still, it was quite pleasurable anyway.


	2. Faeilla's passing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The Queen is unable to give birth to a child without putting her life at risk, so the King got tired of her.” That was the word at court. Don’t think anything that is said at court doesn’t come to my ears.

It was the last day of spring. For almost thirty years, it’s always raining in Amber that day. The sky is covered by dark, thick clouds and the rain falls endlessly for an entire day. I couldn’t help it, and I didn’t want it to.  
“Amber is crying the sorrow of the King.” That’s what they say everywhere in the city. Each year.  
I was standing on the battlements of the castle, soaked by the rain. I know many where looking at me by the windows but I didn’t care. I closed my eyes, it was hard. Each year. Even with time passing by, I will always remember.  
I could still hear her breath, her cries. Her face, noble, strong even with the pain. She knew all along she wont survive it. She told me so many times. I didn’t believed her. I said she was worrying for nothing.  
Eric and Corwin’s births were difficult, laborious. She managed to be able to survive then, each time the deliveries almost brought her near to death. But she was strong. And, after that, miscarriages, three. I was worried, worried if she would get pregnant again, it would be the end of her. So I stopped sleeping with her. For her safety. She was angry when she heard for the first time about some mistress.  
“The Queen is unable to give birth to a child without putting her life at risk, so the King got tired of her.” That was the word at court. Don’t think _anything_ that is said at court doesn’t come to my ears.  
She heard that, too. And I didn’t denied it. It wasn’t true, but I didn’t gave her an explanation. It’s so easy, after, to say “I should have.” But I hadn’t the strength to explain to her I was worried for her life, that I wanted her to live more than having some moments of pleasure together. Amber was greatly pleased by the Queen. She was loved, almost revered in the kingdom. I couldn’t put her in danger.  
She begged me to return to her bed. I refused, so many times. Giving her no explanation. I am King I am not supposed to fear for anything - even my wife’s death.  
Until the sadness upon her was worrying me more than her possible death.  
For one night, we had been together again. It was a beautiful night, we were so happy then.  
Not so long after, she came to me, there was something between fear and joy in her eyes. “My love, I’m pregnant.”  
I was angry, so angry. I shouldn’t have touched her again. It was a mistake. I remember breaking up my cup on the wall. I hated this child in her. I will hate it forever if it would kill her. She tried to calm me down but I pushed her away, again with no explanations.  
I knew she was as much worried than I was. “Oberon, you must not worry for me. I will give you your first princess, and she will be loved and praised by Amber.” she said, stroking her already roundish belly. “I don’t want a princess. I want you.” she kissed me on the cheek. “You’ll forgot me. Others will take my place. Others who would be able to survive this.”  
I stood turning my back away from her with anger. “Stop talking like if you were already dead!”  
She touched my shoulder. “We both know I won’t survive it, Oberon.”  
When the labor started, I was away in Shadow attending to an military emergency. Eric trumped me to warn me. I came back to Amber but as soon as I saw the face of the midwife, I knew it was going wrong. Faeilla gave birth to the first princess of Amber this night. A princess’s birth and a Queen’s death. “I forgive your unfaithfulness, my love. I understand why you did it. I love you, forever.” It was her last words.  
That night I held the small princess in my arms, already the portrait of her mother. I couldn’t hate the child. She brought me a peace of mind, I had the feeling of Faeilla’s spirit will survive with the little princess. I couldn’t have guessed better, because growing up, without being even aware of it, she became the exact portrait of her mother, loved and praised by Amber, like she wished.

Almost thirty years later, I stood on the battlements, holding a small bird into my hands. Black, with blue gleams on it’s feathers, the exact colour of her hair. She used to like the sound of its song. I looked down at the animal. “There will be others” she said.  
I thought of Clarissa. I loved her. I allowed myself to love again. It was time to stop to mourn.  
Today, Faeilla, is the last day I mourn your passing.  
I opened my hands and let the bird fly away. In the second, in a wonderful farewell, thousands of black birds flew away from the streets of Amber to the raining sky.   
I just stared at them for a moment in silence as they disappeared in the clouds. I turned back, some steps behind me, a beautiful woman was standing near the door, also looking at the sky with quiet but sad eyes. As I did every year, I kissed her forehead.  
 “Happy birthday, princess.”   
Perhaps on the same day, next year, the sun will shine upon Amber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third chapter coming soon


	3. The eight time

We were close now. It was easy to tell. She was attracting me like a magnet. I could only close my eyes and let my horse ride to Amber, in this distance there is not a lot of effort to do to shift shadows close to Amber, it’s more like an unconscious work. Amber will always attract me and the ones sharing my blood, it is in our nature.   
Clarissa was quiet - a new - she was busy looking around her. I closed my eyes and sighted.  
Bringing Clarissa to _look_ at Amber is one thing. And there is the other thing, bringing Clarissa _to_ Amber.  You can’t tell the difference? Well I’ll tell you later. There is a big, big difference.  
 “What if I don’t like it?” she said suddenly   
I laughed. “Impossible.”  
 “Well why not? It’s a city. There are cities I don’t like.” she shrugged.  
 “Amber is not like any city.”  
 “It’s doesn’t sound very unbiased coming from you.”  
 I smiled again, leaning down to kiss the side of her neck. “Nobody ever said they didn’t like Amber.”   
“Well not in front of you of course.” she grinned “What an idea.”   
“I’m sure you’ll like it.”  
 “Will you be angry if I don’t?” I raised an eyebrow.   
“Do you really care if I’m angry or not?”   
 She laughed again. “Not really.”   
We stayed silent for some time now. I was lost in my thoughts when I suddenly, for no obvious reasons I opened my eyes, startled. As if I felt asleep without noticing and just wake up in surprise.   
I could feel we were being watched. As to confirm my doubts, the spikard pulsed around my finger.  
Clarissa looked down at my hand and then up at me. “What is it? I felt ..”   
“Hush.” I looked around us. We were in a old forest and surely close to the north border of Arden.   
“Stay here.” I dismounted, giving her the reins. I felt no threat, it wasn’t like that.   
Something strong was near, very strong.   
_Oberon_.   
It wasn’t Clarissa’s voice. It was a woman’s voice, though. A clear, powerful voice.   
And I was sure it can be heard only by me.   
I took a few steps farther in the woods, my horse was out of sight now.  
 There.   
She was there, a second only, half hidden with the leaves. Pure white, almost glimmering. Then she was gone, running away in the depths of the woods.    
I was holding my breath without being aware of it. For a moment, I remained still. Thinking.   
Usually, seeing Her bring some positive feeling. But I wasn’t feeling that way right now. The way She was hiding, far away from me and so quick to move away… A warning? A sign of disagree?   
“Oberon?” it was Clarissa’s voice. I shook my head and turned away, going back to her.   
Clarissa was still on the horse, frowning. “Is there something wrong?”   
“No. I thought I heard something. It’s alright.” I climbed back on my horse and took the reins.   
“Let’s go to Amber.”    
  
*******   
  
I have a spot, on all the places near Amber, it was the location where the view upon the realm was the most amazing. From that place, you can see the mountain and the city as well as the forest and the sea. And in this precise time of the day, late morning, the sea has this exact colour who - long ago - gave me the idea of the city’s name.   
Once, at the same spot, when I was looking at the sea for the first time, at the same moment of the day, the water turned in this gold-orange, bright like a jewel. Like amber. There was no crown upon my head then, just promises and so, so much threats all around. Nobody know about this story. It’s been so long that everyone just take the name of Amber for granted, as when you name a child before he is born.   
So we arrived there and I heard the expected gasp coming from Clarissa. I smirked to myself. What was she thinking when she said she may be not like it?  
 “You have a lot of chance.” She said. “Ruling over a realm like that.”   
I kissed her hair. “Believe me, chance has nothing to do in that.”   
We stayed a moment there, just looking at the landscape. It was spring in Amber and from here we were able to smell the scent of blooming nature around. I lead the horse on the small path going down to the east gate of the city.    
You know what’s funny when you rule a kingdom? Most of the time, you are a prisoner of your own castle. Because it’s the only place you can go without creating a fuss. Do you really think I can go walk in the streets of Amber and do my things without being noticed? Merely impossible, even at night, someone knows me. I don’t want you to think I don’t like people. This is not the case. Amber started first because of them not because of the King or the Royal House. They made her what she is now, because they wanted to stay, because they wanted to make her better and stronger. Of course I have something to do in that but I can’t take all the credit for it. The problem is: you don’t always want to say hello a hundred times in a hour when you take a walk or to create a official event each time you try a new restaurant with a girl. The rumours in Amber are enough strong and numerous without adding some juicy story about the King and some woman dining together in some place or another.   
So yes, sometimes you feel like a prisoner. You rule a place but you cannot do what you want precisely because you rule it.   
So come the difference between bringing Clarissa to look at Amber and bringing Clarissa to Amber. We can look at Amber as long as we want to but as soon as Clarissa and I will enter the vicinity of the city, we’ll be noticed and there will be talks.   
Well, it would’t be that serious. I wasn’t married, no official relationships is known for now (even if there are few unofficial ones). I’ve seen worse situations. But bringing her to Amber would make a statement for sure.  
  
  ******    
  
I found a quiet place - another of my favourite spots in fact. A hole in Kolvir by the beach. It was hidden from sight, a small cavern when the quiet sound of waves can be heard. I put my cape on the stone ground and helped Clarissa in. She was smiling, taking my hand.   
“Well, such a beautiful city and the first place you take me is in a cave. Peculiar choice.” She sat on my mantle, folding her legs under her, looking around.   
“This is quiet. You must like this place.”   
“I do.” I replied, sitting at her side. “I’m sure you understand I cannot give you the classic tour because of who I am. I could be complicated.”   
“Don’t you find it strange to have to hide in your own kingdom?” she asked. Turning to face me, she started to unlace my shirt.   
“Sometimes I miss being able to walk in the city alone, without being disturbed.” It was half a lie, because if I really wanted to go, I could shape shift and nobody would notice me.   
I did it sometimes. It’s interesting all the things I can hear about myself, good or bad.   
Clarissa looked concentrated on her task. I took this opportunity.   
After all, it was the eight time.   
Better to try the soft way first. Like taming a beast.   
I took her chin between my fingers and leaned down to kiss her. She kissed me back and she made no move when I untied her dress. I pushed away the soft fabric from her shoulders, freeing those so perfect breasts from their prison. She moaned against my lips, close to push me back on the ground, but I was ready.   
You won’t have me again under you this time, witch.  
 I gently pushed her bare shoulders back without breaking the kiss. Since she looked quite aroused by it, I could distract her long enough to take control. I lay her back on the ground, moving my hand down. There, this warm moistness again.   
She gasped and realized to late what was happening. I slid my fingers into her. Damn I wanted _so_ much to be there. But it was too soon, she wasn’t tamed enough.   
She twisted, trying to sit up and get away.   
“Be still.” I took my softest voice, moving my fingers into her. She moaned again, arching her hips up. I moved on top of her and she raised her hands to my chest, trying to push me away. “Don’t you dare!"  
 I pushed my fingers against her, she gasped again, her nails scratching my skin. This time when she gripped my shoulders and tried again to sit up, I firmly pinned her to the ground.  
 “You lecher! How dare you!”   
I grinned. “Don’t be so puritan all of a sudden.”  
 I moved my fingers faster into her until her moans became a mesmerizing sound attracting me like a siren’s song. She was so tight around my fingers, I so wanted to be there. I closed my eyes, too soon, I said to myself.   
She noticed my reaction. “Free me and I’ll allow you inside me, Oberon.”   
I almost did it. Damn this woman was an powerful enchantress. But I was stronger, I _needed_ to be stronger or I’ll be lost.   
She arched her hips again. I leaned on her with a smirk. I would win this time, the eight time.  
 “I’m going to have you my way, Clarissa. Even if you don’t want it.”   
“I won’t let you.” she said twisting under me to get free.   
I removed my fingers and gently stroked the soft ginger hair down there. Clarissa’s breath was heavy and deep. I untied my pants and, making sure I was holding her enough, I moved myself into her. It was ecstatic. She cried with pleasure and the upcoming victory itself looked even more ecstatic. I smirked, admiring her perfect features lost between pleasure and anger.   
Well, why not pushing the luck?    
“You’re in Amber now, I’m the King and you’ll submit yourself to me.”    
She almost slapped me, but I caught her hand just in time. “Bad girl.” I said. “It’s not a way to treat a King. Now be nice and I’ll show you something you’re going to appreciate.”   
She frowned, she didn’t trusted me at all. But I think if there was something Clarissa loved more that power, it was lust. So, I think she was too curious to stop me.   
I made her wrap her legs around my waist and I whispered to her ear. “Hold on to me.”   
I took a firm grip of her waist and pushed myself up, making sure to hold her firmly against me. It took me no effort, once I was up, to stand and hold her up in the air. But do not try this at home.  
She gasped with surprise, her hand gripped my shoulders and her thighs clamped around my waist. “Trust me,” I said, keeping my voice soft but a little more harsh than before “I won’t let you fall.”   
Again she cried with pleasure when I thrusted in her, her head falling back. I made sure she would feel that she was entirely mine and that I was controlling her. She didn’t fight back and she was as gorgeous in her surrender than in her previous victories. I know I my triumph was absolute, not so long after, when she rested her head on my shoulder, exhausted, her breath quick and laborious.  
 “Damn I hate you so much” she said in my ear, her voice low and warm.   
“I know. I hate you too.” I answered with a smile.   
We kissed and I think I decided that day I loved her.   
  
******   
  
I had to be honest with myself. Truly honest. I loved her. Truly.   
It wasn’t an easy thing to admit for me. Being in love meant a lot of things. It meant having a weakness, it meant losing control, it meant being parted between duty and feelings. It also meant another thing, worse than the rest.  
 It meant marriage.   
When I look back at things, in the present time. I can admit I never have loved a woman more than Clarissa. She was the One. She was the only woman I loved truly, without limits. It was the love of a man, not the love of a king. I choose her, not because she would have been a good queen, I choose her because I wanted her as she wanted me.  
 In fact, Clarissa was the worst queen Amber had. She disliked it. She didn’t want to be crowned, she didn’t even wanted to be called by that title. Calling her queen was putting distance and protocol between her and I, and we both didn’t wanted that. Clarissa never took her duties as queen as a serious thing, she didn’t even believed in all this monarchy thing. But I couldn’t have been with her without marriage. We would have a child someday, and child born out of wedlock is trouble.   
This was always an awkward decision to take, because each time I propose, the woman who marry me also marry Amber. She becomes her queen and this title mustn’t be taken lightly. Amber has known a lot of queens and I must say, the more the queen was effective and “deserved” that title, the less I loved the woman behind the crown.   
For example, my first (canceled) marriage with Cymnea was a forced one. Back then Amber wasn’t strengthened enough and we desperately needed allies in adjacent shadows. I didn’t wanted to marry a woman I had no feeling for but Dworkin insisted - and I knew he was right to. The Royal House of Karm of the shadow of the same name, was powerful and influent and we needed them as allies. I also choose this shadow because the women of the House of Karm were known for their beauty. If I had to live a forced marriage, at least it will be with a beautiful woman.   
Cymnea, the heir of the House Karm, fitted this criteria and, I must be honest, she was a wise and strong queen. She was appreciated too. We hated each other at the beginning and learned to _tolerate_ each other later. But it was never even close to love. We were partners. Each one trying to gain from our alliance and help our respective kingdoms to progress. The alliance Amber/Karm was a strong one and we had been able to fake a peaceful and happy relationship publicly until I decided it was enough.   
Long after, my marriage with Rilga was based on the same idea. Except for the fact here was feelings behind our wedding. But I knew Rilga would be a good queen and I didn’t hesitated to marry her because of that. Perhaps I’ll have the occasion to talk about her another time.    
I wanted to be with Clarissa, but I didn’t wanted to marry her. I know marrying her would put between us a protocol and we didn’t needed it.   
If I’d marry Clarissa, she’d become a queen. And you don’t make love to a queen the same way you do with another woman. You don’t live with a queen the same way you live with another woman. A queen is noble and must be considered as it.   
I also knew that if I showed some interest into her publicly, I would be put under pressure to marry her. It’s been almost thirty years now since Faeilla’s death. The court stayed silent about my celibacy because of the cause of my last wife's passing. They didn’t know if I still mourned her or not. Since Faeilla, I didn’t have a serious relationship. There had been women, of course, lots of them but I’d been reticent to try again something serious. It was true I still mourned her death, I loved Faeilla, and I hadn’t time to get tired of our marriage. It ended without warning. It hurted, a lot at first, then it was better with time passing by. The pain was also related to the fact Faeilla was loved and praised by Amber.   
It wouldn’t be the same with Clarissa, that I was sure.   
When we decided to leave the cavern, later that day, she told me she didn’t want to go to the castle with me. She didn’t wanted to be labeled. She didn’t want anyone to think there was something serious going between us. She asked me to take her close to the city’s borders and I gave her directions to an inn where I know she’d be comfortable, and money to pay for it. I left her near the east gate.   
I had no time to go see her in the evening. Once I came back to the castle, there was a thousand things to do. I could only think of her, though.   
I went to bed alone this night. I wanted her beside me (well I just _wanted_ her). I was almost laughing at myself for feeling this way. This was so stupid and so not me.   
I felt asleep.   
And then came that dream.   
  
There was no sound, I saw this strange but so familiar pale blue sea/sky landscape around me, farther, there was trees, old, greener than any trees. Everything was still, motionless and quiet.  
 _Order_   
Of course I know where I was at the second.   
I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming or if it was reality.   
I walked on the large plane stone island abstractedly and somewhere near the middle, I stopped without even looking down.    
The primal Pattern was before me.   
 I crouched and run my fingers on the nearest curve. “What is it?” I whispered.   
No answer. Not even a little something. I was brought here for a reason. And if I was dreaming, I was dreaming of this also for a reason.   
 _Oberon_.  
 A voice. Female. I wasn’t alone anymore. The Pattern seemed to brighten suddenly and I turned back, feeling I was being watched.   
She was standing some steps away from me. The human shape was the one I remembered in the very few times we had talked to each other.   
There is no way to describe what is beyond our plane of existence. She was perfect in all ways, her very long gold-white hair falling in ripples down her back, clear emerald eyes, the same colour as mine but with a quiet power glimmering inside them. She has this way to move my heart without doing anything, just by standing there.   
No matter if She was Unicorn or Woman, She was the same delicate goddess. I never doubted why Dworkin left all behind him in Chaos to follow her.   
She looked at me with some tenderness in her eyes.   
I bowed respectfully. I know She didn’t wanted me to kneel. There always have been a silent understanding between us where words weren’t necessary.   
I waited in silence.   
_The sorceress._  
 I don’t know why, it took me some seconds to realize who She was talking about.    
“Clarissa Handrel?”   
 _Yes. She must stay away from Amber, from you._  
 I frowned. Of all subjects, the last I would have thought to talk about with Her was the one of my lovers.   
I was about to ask why but again, it wasn’t necessary to bother ask questions.   
_She will bring danger - and destruction - with her. You must make her leave._   
I couldn’t hide my surprise. What threat could be Clarissa, a mere sorceress of shadow, to Amber?  
 _Amber and you are the same. Remember. Discard the sorceress._   
  
I woke up in my bed. It was still night outside.   
_Amber and you are the same. Remember. Discard the sorceress._   
Never ask a divinity to speak plainly.


	4. The proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Coming with you to Amber as what? The last mistress you bought from Shadow? No way I’m adding my name to a very, very long list of royal booties"

I had spent two days in Amber with Clarissa, making sure we weren’t noticed a lot, and avoiding the castle. I brought her back after that. I had to travel to Begma for three weeks. About one month after, I returned to Mu before going back to Amber  
Time in Mu was flowing more quickly than in Amber. Two months passed there. I went to the covent but something happened there. The covent was empty, it seemed like there had been a fight and it had been sacked. I searched for bodies, found none. Clarissa’s room had been sacked too but she was nowhere to be found.  
I rode back to the small city near the covent. In the public square, I stopped. In the middle of the place, there was a high wood pillar, a young woman was bound to it, lifeless. She bore many wounds made by a whip, I was sure. I frowned, remembering her. She was one of the women living with Clarissa. The square was empty, no one was there even if it was already noon. Strange.

I returned to the town hall where I had been some months ago to negotiate my treaty. There was a crowd outside. On the large porch, the man I knew to be the temporary ruler of Mu, Minx (the king was away with his new wife for their honeymoon), was standing there with a stunningly beautiful woman I knew too well at his side. She was wearing a simple linen dress. Her hands were tied-up. She looked at the crowd without any sign of fear on her face, just cold, quiet defiance.  
“She’s a witch! Like the others. Kill her!” I heard coming from the mob.  
“She seduces men and kill them after they gave her their fortune.”  
“Witch, she’s evil”  
“Hang her. Like they did to her mother, this vixen!”  
The ruler turned back to Clarissa, apparently he was also thinking the same thing. “Clarissa Handrel, do you deny the charges of witchcraft you are accused for?”  
She raised her chin higher, almost proudly. “No.”  
There was something strong in the way she had to stand in front of them, knowing she had nothing to lose. She was proud and fearless. I so wanted her _right now._  
“Very well,” said Minx, seeming almost pleased. He looked at the crowd and then back at her. “Clarissa Handrel, you have been found guilty of witchcraft and murder. You will be hanged to death tomorrow at sunrise.” he looked at the guard near him and they took her away quickly, the people already leaving, looking satisfied.  
I stayed far from them to remain unnoticed. I weighted my options. There was one thing: no way a rope is going to hurt this gorgeous neck of hers. On the other hand, I cannot interfere into Mu’s state affairs where I just signed a fresh treaty. It would look as if I’m extending my rule here.  
I must find another way. I had a plan, it would work but it’d lead to revealing something to Clarissa I didn’t wanted anybody to know. I’d have to trade her silence for her life.  
I dismounted and found a window on a old unused door and looked at my reflection. I changed my features enough to be sure nobody would recognize me. I looked older and darker. I found a man in the nearest inn half sleeping on a bench with a pitcher of beer. He gladly agreed with me at my offer when I asked him to switch clothes.  
Satisfied, I walked back to the town hall and asked to see Minx.  
“He’s in the cells corridor, at your right.” said the guard near the main door.  
I followed the direction and found him, in fact, I found them both, Clarissa and Minx. They had bound my beautiful witch in a cell, her hands tied up in the air above her head. Minx was with another guard near her, and both of them had this satisfied look on their face. I know what they were planning to do with her. I would surely had the same idea in the same circumstances.  
Clarissa’s breath was heavy but she remained calm, looking coldly at them.  
“You are gonna pay, witch, for what you’ve done to my brother.” said Minx while starting to unlace the front of her dress.  
I stepped in the room. “Excuse me sirs?”  
They looked at me with surprise.  
“I would like to buy this woman.“  
“She’s not …” he stopped when I showed him a generous pouch with gold coins inside.  
“I’m sure you have your reasons for wanting to see her dead. But I have mine, too, in addition, I have money.”  
They looked at each other and Minx shrugged. “She’s yours then.”  
He took the pouch and they untied Clarissa. She looked at me in silence, her dress had slid down one of her shoulder. I gripped her arm firmly and forced her to come with me, leaving the town hall.  
Once in the street, I took her back to my horse. She wasn’t fighting back. She looked up at me, raising an eyebrow. “Is there a lot of people who know the King of Amber is a shapeshifter?” she asked. Clever girl. As to answer to my silent question, she looked down at my righthand and touched it. The spikard. Of course, she saw or felt it, or both. Without answering, I put a finger on my lips to keep her silent.  
I helped her up on the horse and we left the city quickly. I started shifting into shadows as soon as we were out of the borders.  
“What happened?” I asked when I was certain we weren’t followed.  
She shrugged. “They decided it was enough. The King tolerated us because he was afraid but I suppose Minx took the opportunity to attack while the King was away. They attacked our covent yesterday night. The others had been killed. Because I was the leader, they got me to trial. But I knew Minx had already decided I was guilty. He’s a coward. He thinks I’m responsible for his brother’s death.”  
“Aren’t you guilty of the charges?”  
Again, she shrugged. “As I said, I have to earn a living. I am what I am. Many of those men they talked about deserved what happened to them. Their wives paid me to get revenge.”  
“What did they do?”  
“They were unfaithful, mostly. Some more than other. Many of their wives were afraid to act directly. Afraid of divorce, to be repudiated and lose everything. So they hired me instead.”  
I laughed. That explained a lot of comments she said about myself. To her, I was one of those men.  
“What is your tool of the trade? Poison?” I asked  
“That, and other things. I won’t tell you all my secrets. Where are we going?”  
“For now, nowhere in particular. I left Mu to be out of trouble. If I don’t change course now, we’ll be dragged back to Amber.”  
“I don’t want to go to Amber.” she said, shaking her head.  
“You said you liked it last time.”

“I do. But for some reasons, my powers aren’t working there.”  
“It’s not you. Magic doesn’t work in Amber.”  
“Well this is no a place for a sorceress to be then. I need to find another place to live. I don’t think I’ll be able to return to Mu someday.”  
I leaned down, moving long curled strands of ginger hair away and kissed her neck, appreciating the fact it won’t be broken by any rope.  
“Come back with me to Amber, Clarissa.”  
“As what? The last mistress you bought from Shadow? No way I’m adding my name to a very, very long list of royal booties.”  
I laughed again. She had spirit.  
“Well I bought you, after all. You belong to me.” I said, smiling mockingly. “You should at least be thankful to me, for I saved your life.”  
“Well, I have nothing to give you in exchange of your help.” her voice was low, it was obvious she was irritated by the fact she was owning me something.  
“I ask only for one thing, and you can give it to me.”  
“I’m not having sex with you in those stinking clothes of yours.”

“I’m not asking for sex. You showed me I can have sex with you without having to pay for it, after all. I want your silence.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“A promise you won’t talk about this secret of mine.”  
“Shapeshifting?”  
“Yes. That.”  
“It must be handy to be able to be anyone you want.” she said, thoughtfully, deliberately changing the subject  
“Your promise, Clarissa?” I insisted  
“I give you my promise of silence and then you will cancel my debt?”

“Exactly.”  
She remained silent a moment. “All right. I promise.”  
“Good. Than consider your debt cleared.”  
We rode in silence for a long time after that. I let her think about what she would do next. She had nowhere to go, no place to call home anymore. I wanted her back to Amber, but I couldn’t force her to come with me.  
She sighed, I couldn’t see her face but I know she was sad. “It’s strange. I’m with a man who have the power to bring me anywhere. _Literally_ anywhere. I could chose any place I want. Yet I just have no idea where to go.”  
“Perhaps we could just call it a day and find somewhere to eat and sleep. It will give you time to think.” I suggested.  
She nodded. “Alright.”  
We rode faster and I found an inn near a quiet city. It was almost nightfall already. I asked for a precise room where I know there was clothes waiting for us.  
Clarissa frowned with disbelief when she saw the clothes on the bed but she kept her questions for herself this time. She went to the bathroom to switch clothes while I was shifting back to my own self. I changed clothes too.  
“Oberon?” she asked from the bathroom. “Where are we going? This isn’t the type of dress you wear for a dinner in this kind of inn.”  
She stepped out of the bathroom looking at me with wonder. She was gorgeous in the emerald colour of the satin sleeveless dress. Satin suited her so well. The wide skirts felt freely down her hips. She gathered her hair and begin to pin it up.  
“Don’t!” I ordered, louder and perhaps more precipitated than I should. How pathetic it sounded, coming from _me_ , to be so much moved by a woman.  
Instead of being irritated by my order, Clarissa smiled. She noticed the effect she had on me, she was clever enough to be aware now that it was more than physical attract.  
Against all odds she let her hair go and it felt back down.  
“As I recall, there was something else coming with the dress.” I said, raising an eyebrow.  
“No way I am wearing _this_! I’m not your doll Oberon!”  
I went to the bathroom, there on a small table, there was a fine necklace with a diamond hanging from it. It wasn’t _that_ big, why making such a fuss?  
I took it and walked back behind Clarissa, I tied up the jewel around her fine, perfect neck.  
And then, with my “Oh-Oberon-I’m-so-in-love-with-you” voice, I whispered to her ear. “You’re magnificent”.  
She closed her eyes, smiling softly. “Thank you.”  
I kissed her bare shoulder. A small victory, at least.  
  
After dinner, I brought her to a very special place. A dancehall where musicians played classical-jazz-latin music, I know she would like it. The place was filled with people but I had this strange sensation we were alone on the dance floor. There was only me and her, dancing together, again and again, song after song. While we were dancing, she stopped fighting for control and let herself go. She was letting me sway and spin her with wonderful obedience, her eyes always locked on mine. They were bluer and shinier than all the sapphires of the world.  
I was holding her firmly into my arms, and I could feel her body unbending, loosening to follow my lead. Those moments were almost as good as having sex with her. Almost.  
When we reached the end of the last song and the notes of the violin stopped, she was mine, I knew it. Dancing with her made me forgot about everything else. She was the one. She was no queen, she was no sorceress. She was _mine_.  
Her eyes never let mine, her breath was quick, her lips parted. How such a beauty existed somewhere without me knowing it before?  
Then, I said something I never say first.  
“I love you.”  
  
*******  
  
“No way I’m doing it Oberon. You go back to Amber. I can take care of myself, thank you.”  
“You’re taking this too seriously. It’s only a formality.”  
“I said no.”  
How many women would refuse the hand of the King of Amber?  
Before knowing Clarissa, I would have answered “none” to this question.

I proposed to her the day after our dance. For me this was the only solution. But all the reasons I gave her weren’t good enough, apparently.  
“This is no sense.” I said, pacing in the small bedroom. She was sitting on the bed, a bed sheet wrapped around her. Oh yes I forgot to mention we spent the rest of the night making love without taking any rest. I’m sure you’re not surprised.  
“Do you realize I’m trying to _convince_ you to marry _me_?”  
“Oh yes because I should jump on the opportunity to marry a man who, once he had me, will find another mistress to fulfill his lust. Why would a woman marry you Oberon? For wealth, for fame, for a name, for a crown. I don’t want _any_ of those things.”  
I crossed my arms on my chest, frowning.  
“Well, I suppose this is not one of those things who pushed you to come to me the first time we met? I don’t believe you, Clarissa. You pretend to be independent, you pretend you don’t want anything beside power. I don’t think it’s true.”  
She smiled wickedly. “You aren’t used to it. Aren’t you? To have a woman rejecting this proposal?”  
I didn’t answered. She was right. No one never say no (by the way no one said no after that either). But there was something more than wealth or fame or a crown behind this proposal. I sighed and sat near her on the edge of the bed. I had to be honest with her if I wanted it to work.  Apparently, trying to convince her with usual baits wouldn’t work. I took her hand in mine, looking at it, searching for the right words. She narrowed her eyes, not trusting me at all.  
“Listen to me. You don’t have anything before you right now. You have no home and no place to go. If I leave you here, I will be worried no knowing what is happening to you. I care about you, Clarissa, and I was serious yesterday when I said I loved you. Believe me, I don’t say those words easily. I know what I am and I can’t deny I did a lot of things you accused me to do. I know I’m going to sound incredibly wrong if I say it won’t be the same with you. So I won’t.”  
“You don’t even know if I love you back. You didn’t _even_ asked because you are so used to have your way with women you think it’s impossible for one of us not to love you.”  
“Well,” I smiled, already knowing her answer “Was I wrong?”  
She looked away. I was so damn right.  
“Why is it so difficult to say?” I asked, this time there was no warmth in my voice.  
“Because I don’t _want_ to be in love with you.” She tightened the sheet around her, she looked like a frightened young girl right now. I gently stroked her cheek, she turned to face me.  
“Are there others?” she asked coldly.  
“What do you mean?”  
“Right now. Are there other women?”  
I took a deep breath, to lie or not to lie? It wasn’t easy to decide right now. I won’t win this arguing if I tell her the truth but if she finds out later it won’t help me either.  
“Depends of how you define _another_.”  
She raised her eyes to the sky.  
“You are always away traveling in Shadow, like when you came to Mu. When you go to other shadows where you usually do businesses, is there a woman in each place who is waiting for you to spend a night while you’re there?”  
I sighed. “Yes. Some.”  
“Some means how many?”  
“I don’t have a list, Clarissa.”  
I usually discard this kind of talk quickly, for it leads to nothing helpful. Women don’t understand and I have no intention to change my behaviour. Many just don’t ask questions. Some others know but don’t care because they are themselves married. I don’t keep jealous women except if they are really good in bed and worth the straits. It becomes difficult if two long term relationships are existing in the same time, by example, a wife and a mistress (especially if the mistress is pregnant this can become quiet an hell).  
“I can’t accept this, Oberon. I’m just unable to. I’ll be honest, I do have feelings for you, and thinking right now you could cheat me is already making me feel jealous. So I don’t imagine if I’m to be your wife. Can you promise me you won’t cheat me? I don’t think so. If you promise me and you broke your promise later, it will be more difficult, I would be so mad at you, you have no idea.”  
“I never make this promise anyway.” I added. “But if - and it’s an hypothetical big if - if I promised, would you accept to marry me?” I didn’t even believed I was really saying that. I loved that woman, yes, more than any others. But I doubted that even with those kind of feelings I would be able to keep such a promise. Say I marry Clarissa and our relationship last many years, it would mean many years with the same woman and no one else. This only thought made me shudder.  
She chuckled. “I think I would only to test you and see if you can do it. That could be funny.”  
“I’m not so sure.”  
“Well, say that I do marry you and you cheat me someday. We could say that you owe me one and that I can cheat you one time, too.”  
I darkened at that thought. “No.”  
“So you can cheat me but I cannot? Do you realize how that sounds, Oberon?”  
“First of all, this cannot work for if I cheat you, you won’t notice it. Believe me, I’m quiet an expert with this. Second, no way I’m sharing my wife with another man.”  
“This kind of thing cannot be one way.”  
“It has to be.”

“Then it’s not working. I won’t marry you.” she stood, leaving the sheet behind her. The late morning light bathed her naked body with a pale glow. She took the linen dress and get dressed.  
“Where are you going?” I asked  
“I don’t know yet. I can take care of myself, I’ll find something.” she gathered her hair and pinned it up. I’m pretty sure she did that to piss me off.  
I first wanted to stop her. But I was tired of begging or trying to convince her. So I let her go.  
So much for that, if she didn’t wanted to play by my rules.


	5. Kinta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We are complicated bitches, you know. I told you to stop trying to understand women"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware I twisted a little Kinta's character

Back to Amber, I had been busy finishing things for some commercial exchange with Begma. The rulers of Begma came to Amber to help me with that and we spend the evening working. King Ulric was a friend of mine. We knew each other for a long time and he and Kinta, his wife, had always been close allies of Amber. When I first created the Golden Circle, Begma was one of the first shadow to come in and Ulric helped me with a lot of things.  
Ulric and Kinta had been force-married at very young age by their respective parents. Against all odds, they felt in love with each other no so long after their wedding. Ulric was the kind of guy who believed in the “it’s forever” thing. He never doubted his wife, loved her with all his heart and never visited another woman’s bed.  
I know for sure it wasn’t true for Kiinta. She loved her husband and said a lot of times she wanted to be with him for the rest of her life. But Kinta didn’t believed in sharing her bed with only one man. You know where I am going with that, do you?  
Kinta was wise and spirited. She was a good ruler and assisted her husband effectively. She was taking her role seriously and Ulric always felt confident to send her away on missions without any doubts.  
That night, when it was late enough, we decided it was enough work and I offered them a drink before going to bed. Ulric denied the offer, he was already yawning for almost an hour. “Take care of my wife, I’m going to sleep.” he said.  
Word of advice: never ask to Oberon of Amber to take care of your wife. I’m just saying.  
Kinta kissed him goodnight and said she won’t be long to join him anyway. I knew better.  
I poured two glasses of wine and I went to sit on one of the large chair on the balcony. The spring night was brisk. There was no moon but a lot of stars shinning everywhere in the sky of Amber.  
“So,” said Kinta, taking the cup I offered her “how are you?” She rested on the rail, turning her back at me to look at the city lights.  
Kinta had long and straight dark blond hair and light blue-green eyes. Her face was the one of a woman who smiles a lot, with little wrinkles at the corner of the eyes. The fact she was always smiling made her look younger than she actually was. I never saw her in a bad mood. The lines of her body were curly and attracting, I was especially quiet found of the one traced by her hips.  
I took a sip of the wine, extending my legs on the stone bench in front of my chair. “Everything’s alright” I lied. “Why do you ask?”

She sipped her wine. “Don’t lie to me, Oberon. With time, I know you better than you think.”  
“I don’t want to talk about it.”  
“Woman thing?”  
“Yes.” I answered.  
“We are complicated bitches, you know. I told you to stop trying to understand women.”  
I laughed. “I know. Always trouble but so attractive. How I am supposed to be able to resist?”  
“True. If Amber was a woman, you wouldn’t have all that trouble. She would be your everlasting wife and you wouldn't even think of someone else.”  
“My commitment to Amber is beyond any relationship I could have with a woman. At least, when you rule, it isn’t difficult to give yourself only to your kingdom. It’s not that easy with a woman.”  
“You aren’t that kind of man Oberon. Stop fighting your nature. You can’t be with only one woman.” She said, shrugging.  
I chuckled. “Dear Kinta, if all women could be like you. Life would be so simple.”  
I stood and went next to her. I stroked her side, the line of her hip I liked so much. This move was an unspoken offer we shared. She smirked. “Bedroom?” she asked. I nodded. No more words were needed. Everything was _so_ simple with her.

I wished in silence it would help me thinking of someone else than Clarissa Handrel.  
It didn’t, for Kinta isn’t _her_. Don’t misunderstand me, sex with Kinta always been good, we always took pleasure sleeping with each other when we have the occasion to and we never get tired of it even with the years passing by.  
But since the day I’ve known this red-haired goodness, everything looked and tasted like nothing. Damn this witch anyway.


	6. Clarissa becomes Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Even centuries after, they still talk about that dance Clarissa and I shared at our wedding. It was languishing, passionate and tempestuous, the three words best describing our relationship (I would have chosen the same for our divorce).  "

_  
_The wedding took place in the castle about six months later. By the way, yes I pledged myself to her and she took me seriously even if I had real doubts about my own word. I suppose she was ready to give it a try since I was at least sincere about it.  
Clarissa’s coming in Amber as my fiancée was difficult. She wasn’t very found of all the court traditions, protocols and etiquette and took them lightly - and big mistake in Amber. Everyone labeled her, calling her savage or outsider. The fact she had no family or titles didn’t helped. She was already talking about taking revenge upon some members of the court. I did my best to calm her down knowing for sure the court would calm down after the wedding/coronation (both are happening the same day). There is a big difference between making fun of the King’s fiancée and making fun of the Queen of Amber.  
I won’t bother you describing how the wedding was. Weddings are always the same in Amber, sumptuous and grandiose. Everyone is waiting for weddings to be that way so I just gave the court and the crowd what they want. Since I’m the King and I can do what I want, I deliberately changed a little the tradition and danced a tango with my new wife instead of the same boring waltz everyone always chose. Clarissa gladly agreed to to it. I know tango isn’t the dance of choice for a wedding, but my bride wasn’t like any usual woman either.  
Even centuries after, they still talk about that dance Clarissa and I shared at our wedding. It was languishing, passionate and tempestuous, the three words best describing our relationship (I would have chosen the same for our divorce).   
After that I changed the tradition and always picked a different song for every wife. Every song would be different and fitting the wife and what she was representing to me. But no tango, never after Clarissa and I divorced. It became an event each time, mostly because I kept my choice a secret known only to myself and my bride-to-be. There was always rumours and it was a surprise at each ceremony. It helped me to not be bored by the redundant ceremonies and gave the court the thrill it needed.  
  
******  
I said it before, you don’t make love to a queen to way you do with another woman.  
Ask any men who’d been there, a queen is a noble thing. Even if she was a woman before, when she becomes queen - by birthright or by wedlock - she turns into something almost solemn. You can make children to her, you can - if it’s possible - make love to her, but you never give her crude, raw sex. A queen must be respected in a bed. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve pleasure, but she deserves it like a queen does.   
To me, Clarissa had been a queen only the night of our wedding. Never after.   
Still, I needed to show her where she belonged and how she could be treated if she pushed too far and tried again to go the other side of the line I traced between me and the rest of the world. It didn’t really mattered when we were just dating. It was sometimes irritating to not be obeyed or to always be questioned but I was able to handle it with a great deal of patience. But now, even if I did not wanted it, things were different. She was my wife and, publicly, she’d have to act as my wife and as a queen.  
I knew for sure she wasn’t interested at all in the “queen way” of sex. But I needed to scare her a little. I can be scary, believe me.  
  
When the wedding party finished, it was almost morning. Clarissa had been uncomfortable a big part of the evening and started to feel less uneasy when the official ceremony ceased, wine also helping. We took our leave after many blessings. Once we had been up to the third floor near the door of my apartments, I left her temporally into the hands of her maids who helped her to get out of the cumbersome prison that is a wedding dress (I’m sure it feels that way).  
I went to my bedroom, removing the crown and garments except shirt and pants. And I waited.  
After some minutes, by the small passage linking my apartments to the queen’s ones, I saw Clarissa enter. As I expected, all the ceremony, the protocol and the ritual the maids used to do with new brides (I don’t know for which reason) overawed her. She looked now more like a frightened girl than the confident woman she usually was. Good, that was what I wanted for tonight.  
She wore a long, light nightgown, see-through with fine embroideries. Her hair was free on her shoulders, falling down her back. Her steps were unsure, slow, almost reluctant as if she was to be sent in sacrifice to a wild and unknown beast.  
Close enough.  
I was ready. I would play my role. I had done it hundreds of times.  
Clarissa’s eyes were on mine, at least she had the strength to do it. But I kept my eyes passionless. Without looking away, I took the lace of her nightgown and slowly pulled on it to loosen it on her shoulders.  
Then with a cold, detached voice: “You are a queen now.”  
The loosened light fabric slid of her shoulders and silently pooled on the floor around her. I didn’t looked down, my eyes still on hers. Winning the eye fight is essential.  
After some seconds, she blushed and looked down. I tried to not smirk, it was too good to be true. I didn’t moved, looking at her without any kind of emotion on my face. “Get on your knees, my queen.” I ordered, calmly.  
“Oberon …” she began but her voice was a soft, reluctant whisper. She stopped without me needing to tell her to. Perhaps she already felt it was useless. I waited in silence.  
She finally knelt. Such a peculiar thing to see her that way.   
Again with the same voice: “Untie my pants and take me into your mouth.”  
I heard something like a light gasp or a started breath. It was almost inaudible. Seconds passed again. Then, against all odds she raised her hands and started unlacing my pants and I soon felt the soft warmth or her lips. Her true nature returned quickly, she was good, _really_ good. I closed my eyes, gathering my thoughts. Showing any appreciation would mean surrender and, even in the state of mind she was now, Clarissa would notice it. I watched my new queen for a moment, trying to ignore this unbounded pleasure she was giving me. I waited until I was sure she thought she had gained back some control over me. I felt her body stiffens and her features gaining confidence again. Then, with a lot of willpower and the same voice as before, I ordered her to stop.  
She was surprised at first and stopped almost immediately, frowning.  
“Go on the bed and lie there, my queen.” I said, motionless.  
She looked irritated, almost like a child who had been denied something without knowing why. But she stood and walked to the bed, sitting first, her legs folded under her. I was undressing and noticed after she hadn’t lie as asked. She smiled naughtily. Bed was her battlefield. The place where I could lose against her. But not tonight.  
“Lie.” I repeated, giving my voice an impatient cold tone.  
“Oberon … “ she started again. She stopped when I rose my hand to silence her. Good, I still had enough power on her for now.  
“You won’t get anything from me until you address me properly, _my queen_.”  
She opened her mouth in disbelief, she was about to say something mean but she changed her mind apparently because she just whispered “You’re not serious …?”  
I didn’t answered, I stepped close to the edge of the bed, face still impassive. “I won’t repeat myself a third time.” I gently but firmly wrapped my hands around her waist and lifted her with ease to make her lie down in the middle of the bed. She gasped softly with surprise and gave me a warning look when she realized she was lying _under_ me. “No way!” she said, now a little more confident.  
I raised an eyebrow “What is it, my queen?” I asked, positioning myself as if nothing was happening.  
She was about to say something again but stopped, thinking. Then she wrapped her arms around my neck, her eyes lustful, she pushed up to try to get out of my grip, waiting for any sign of weakness from my part to move away. Her face was close to mine now and she gently brushed her lips against mine, one knee slowly stroking the inside of my thighs. “You won’t have me that way, _my king_.”  
I chuckled.  
“Nice try.”  
And I gently pinned her back to the bed.  
And then we had an standard, casual and moderately pleasurable intercourse (I can’t be less good than that, sorry). I am a gentleman so I made sure she enjoyed it but not _too much,_ if you understand what I mean.  
When it was over, I kissed her and silently lied down at her side with a faked satisfied sigh. Clarissa didn’t moved, she was staring at the ceiling, thinking.  
I knew exactly what she was thinking, for this is precisely what I _wanted_ her to think.  
She wondered if it would always be like that. If marrying me was the worst idea she ever had. She wondered if it destroyed what we were living together. If she would have to live every day with me as queen and king instead of the lover thing we were into.  
I willingly let some minutes pass to make sure she was frightened enough.  
“It could be like that every night if you fail to understand _who_ and _what_ I am. Understand this,  that line you keep crossing for fun and to gain control of me exists for a reason. If you refuse to respect it, I cannot allow you to be more than what you were some minutes ago. Because a queen understands where she belongs, she respect and please her husband and king. Nothing more. She doesn’t question, she doesn’t oppose.”  
She remained silent, motionless. I was presenting things a little more harder than they actually were but I needed her to understand. It was only politic.  
“Do you understand?” I asked  
She blinked and slipped under the sheets. “Yes, my king.”  
I smirked without saying anything else.  
However, before falling asleep, a thought came to my mind.   
She’s going to make me regret this, twice at least.


	7. Cymnea, first Queen of Amber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why am I complaining about my non-existing freedom? Because I have to introduce Cymnea. And with Cymnea comes a lot of thoughts about freedom.

People usually don’t try to understand a king. First because many people are jealous and just don’t want to try to understand. It’s easy to stick to the thought that a king can have everything he wants, can take any decision fitting his will, can bend or ignore the rules or the laws - even the ones he created himself. For many, a king is the very definition of freedom because he is above all.  
This is the biggest lie I ever heard.  
And it’s useless to try to make people understand _why_ this is a lie. Because you’d look weak and whining and everyone would say you are over complaining.  
Believe me all this freedom thing is a big front. You must look like you are above all things, and maybe some rulers may think they are (usually those ones are not very good in ruling things anyway) but the clever ones around you can see you are not so much different from the ordinary people.  
I always tried to keep the image of the independent liege who is doing everything he wants the way he wants it. In a way, this is not totally a lie. I do things the way I want it but always in accordance with Amber’s needs and concerns. If something I want doesn’t fit with Amber, I will discard the idea. So freedom stops there, with my degree of commitment. Which is high, higher than a lot of other rulers because Amber isn’t only my kingdom by birthright. Amber is the only Reality, it’s the Eternal City and it’s inscribed in my blood. No place for mistakes here.  
Think of this as branding. You don’t want the consequences of a bad decision you made for your own benefit to soil the whole image.  
Since her first day, Amber was supposed to be the greatest thing existing. But to be honest, the first centuries weren’t _that_ _great_. We had problems, attacks, delays, enemies beyond count and everyday brought a new trouble of some kind. But we had to make sure that from the outside, Amber looked great and everlasting and all those qualifiers she was supposed to be but wasn’t. Amber had been weak, believe me there had been days when I woke up in my bed in my brand new castle wondering if she would endure. But I had faith, in Amber and in me.  
When I look back at those days now I always smile. So long for everyone who said it was destined to fail. Amber is beyond everything, shinning and blooming above everything else in the universe.   
But Amber is ruling over its king, and not the inverse.  
Why am I complaining about my non-existing freedom? Because I have to introduce Cymnea. And with Cymnea comes a lot of thoughts about freedom.  
Back then, Amber was a few centuries old. The city was growing and the castle was long finished to build. Trade was already flourishing amongst Amber and her surrounding Shadows. We had a important army who was always busy because we were almost constantly attacked. By Shadows or by disguised armies of the Courts who were still pissed off by Dworkin’s treason.  
There had been a war in those time, we called it the red war because our enemies took great pleasure to bleed our soldiers to the death, painting the battlements with their blood. They were savages coming from a remote Shadow, we never really knew where exactly and who sent them. But they were legions and kept raiding us day and night. The war was lasting for years now and with no sign of conclusion coming soon. Seeing this, many Shadows who were allies turned their back to us. We found ourselves missing a lot of goods coming from those Shadows and less men to fight the war.  
When Amber flourishes, there is good chance Shadows around her flourish too. There was a realm who especially benefited of Amber’s growth, Karm, It was a place with vast countryside and one main city. Karm was ruled by Queen Dybelle. She was an old, audacious and cheeky woman with a lot of guts. She was as proud and found of Karm as I was of Amber. We never got along. The Royal House of Karm was only composed of women. Except for her husband, Tyon who never had any word to say in anything, the four heirs of the House were princesses. In fact, the House was long deemed to be a matriarchal one.   
While Shadows were turning their back to Amber, they were turning their attention towards Karm to trade. Karm wasn’t invaded or attacked. We soon heard rumours Karm was called the “Second Amber”. I was angry. Very.  
In those times, Dworkin was involved a lot into Amber’s politics (even if he disliked it) because we needed everyone we had to take care of the defences of the city. Since the day he putted the crown of Amber upon my head (literally), he rarely involved himself when I was taking decisions, except if I asked for an opinion. If he could have, he would have retired in his apartments, doing his own projects and researches.   
A night I was in a command tent on the battlefield, Dworkin came to me with this “you won’t like to hear what I have to say” look. I was exhausted with the battle and stressed by the desertion of our allies and I was trying to calm myself with wine, lot of wine.  
“Oberon, I think we must talk” he said, his voice serious. He poured himself some wine, too, emptied the cup in one gulp, and poured another.   
“You must wed.” he announced, with his usual unmannerly way to say things.  
I nearly chocked on my wine. It seemed to me it was the worst moment to talk about wedding.   
“With who exactly? Well,” I smiled mockingly “Which one do you want me to marry?”  
Dworkin frowned. Apparently he wasn’t in the mood. “I’m not talking about one of your countless mistresses!”  
“Too bad, I had one in mind already.” I shrugged.  
“None of those women can marry you, and you know it. You need a queen. _Amber_ needs a queen.”  
He knew how to make me collaborate. Putting the need of Amber before mine.  
“Dad, who … “ I started  
“Cymnea of Karm.” he cut me. “She is the heir of the Royal House.”  
I darkened. I didn’t wanted to hear about Karm, the so called Second Amber.  
“No way I’m going to propose to her. Or any of those four. Karm can go to hell, if you want my opinion. I don’t care.”  
“Actually, Queen Dybelle sent _me_ a proposal. She wants to marry her daughter with you.”  
I looked at him with surprise. “She _proposed_? She asked _you_?”  
“Well, I’m your father. I suppose she wants to do things properly.”  
“Isn’t supposed to be the inverse, as I recall? The proposal must come from the man.” I was already exasperated. I always hated Queen Dybelle. She wasn’t so found of me either.  
“Women lead House Karm, Oberon. So I suppose it’s a normal thing for them to propose their heir to you.”  
“I won’t accept. First because it will look like if I’m being taken as a consort, because _she_ proposed instead of me. Second, I don’t want to do businesses of any kind with this damn shadow.”

Dworkin sat in front of me, he looked as if he was tired to try to make me understand something important.   
“Karm would be a powerful ally, Oberon.”  
“I said no.”  
“You know it.” he continued as if I never spoke “You just don’t want to admit it. You don’t want to look like if you are begging for help, or like you need it.” He finished his cup and poured himself another.  
“Karm is only a shadow.” I said, but it was more for myself than for him  
“Exactly!” he said, hitting the table with his fist. “It’s only a Shadow. You rule over Amber and only Amber is true. So you don’t have to be jealous of the success of Karm.”  
“I’m not … “ my eyes met his and I stopped. “Ok, you’re right. I’m pissed off. This success they have, they have it because of Amber’s vicinity. They are growing and expending because Amber did. And now, we are at war, our own allies turn to _them_. And you are asking me to accept to prostitute myself with Karm?”  
He laughed. “That’s an odd way to say it, but yes, basically.”  
I hated this idea. Hated it because I know very well how it would look to the other realms and especially to Karm. They’d see it as if Amber was weak and needed this alliance. Amber was supposed to stand alone, the Shadows are supposed to depend on Amber, not the inverse.  
But Dworkin was right. Amber needed help right now. Amber needed a strong ally to be able to stand against her enemies and keep her allies with her.  
Karm was the perfect match for this. They had the higher ground.  
“A forced marriage is never pleasant, Oberon. But you must do it.”  
 _For Amber._ I thought and I knew he was thinking the same thing but preferred to not say it. Dworkin never had to remind me of my duties. It was innate.  
I nodded in silence.  
My father raised his cup with a smirk. “To your bride-to-be, who is beautiful, by the way.”  
I brightened a little. “Really?” I raised my cup, too. “To Cymnea of Karm, then.”  
  
*******  
Arranged marriages would always remind me of farmers trying to breed two expensive horses together. One is trying to convince the other that his beast is better, pure breed with a promising future and, of course, certainty to reproduce and the other is outbidding to get the best of the offer. And I’m a man, so I can’t imagine what I could be for a woman.  
Well I almost could because when Dworkin and I met with Queen Dybelle of Karm, the roles were inverted. I felt like _I_ was the one being sold to a Royal house for breeding and I disliked it a lot.   
Queen Dybelle insisted to meet us in Karm instead of Amber. She wanted to be sure we’ll see how good it was to live in her realm and how prosperous they were. What angered me was that she was right. The realm was quiet, peaceful and thriving. Nothing like the battlefield in Garnath valley I was used to live into for some months now. I reminded myself mentally that Amber was and will again be like that. I needed to do it a couple of time while we were there to be sure not to change my mind about this damn marriage.  
Sending us a proposal was a clear message she was thinking Karm was in better position than Amber and - knowing her enough - she surely thought she was saving Amber by marrying her daughter to Amber’s ruler. It was frustrating.   
The bride-to-be wasn’t present and it made me angrier. I trusted my father to know what a beautiful woman was but I wanted to see her by myself. “My daughter is fitting to be queen, don’t worry she won’t deceive you.” Dybelle answered when I asked, she seemed to be amused by the fact I had to sign a contract without seeing first the bride.  
  
We decided the marriage would be in four months, because of the war, I was always busy on the battlefield. so I hadn’t the time or the chance to meet Cymnea before the ceremony. However, with the signature of the betrothal contract, Karm agreed to send their army as reinforcements. It helped a lot to repel the enemies from the realm. The attacks decreased. They were less intense and less frequent. Slowly, we were winning the war. Amber was saved and we had managed to protect the city so there were only minimal losses within the walls.  
The wedding was a double occasion to celebrate for the court and the mob. Amber was safe _and_ was welcoming her first queen.   
The only one who wasn’t celebrating was the key player - me. I was raging. I knew I wouldn’t had won so easily without Karm’s help. The war would had lasted many more months, more lives would had been lost. Karm saved Amber face and for that I had to marry a woman I had no feelings for - dammit I didn’t even knew how she looked!  
The day before the wedding, I ran into shadow, totally furious. I rode towards no particular direction, trying to put more and more distance between Amber and me. I couldn’t say what hurt the most, the feeling of being forced or the feeling of not had been able to defend my realm by myself, without help. Images of war were dancing in my head, corpses everywhere, cries, sounds of steel into flesh, the blood. So much blood. I had many wars before, but this one gave me an odd strange feeling: defeat - even if we had won.  
I stopped only when my horse decided it was enough. I knew I went past Ygg long ago. The world around me showed I wasn’t in a Shadow under the Pattern’s laws. It wasn’t Chaos either. There was black clouds in a deep green sky, dancing slowly. I was in a vast countryside with dry dark orange grass everywhere. The air was rare and breathing was arduous, no wonder why my horse was in a bad shape. In my haste, I forgot to think about the atmospheric essentials. It could have been worse, though. I found a village with strange shaped small houses. Near the public square, I found a inn. Inhabitants were humans but the colour of their skin was a pale blue. I lead my horse to the stables to rest and I went to the inn and sat at a table in a dark and quiet corner of the large room. I just sat in silence, trying to empty my mind.  
The ale was good and I found what I needed: a kind, sweet and gorgeous innkeeper with dark hair and large gold-orange eyes. Later in the night, she was sitting on my lap, blabbering with two of her lady friends who joined us earlier. Her laugh was clear and innocent. It was past midnight when she gently whispered to my ear that she had a comfortable and quiet bedroom waiting for me upstairs and that she and her friends would gladly keep me company if I didn’t feel like sleeping alone.  
I smiled, well why not?  
At dawn, we four were almost asleep in the small bed. Her head was resting on my chest, her hand gently stroking my arm. The two other ladies were cuddled at my right, their laughs were like a soft purr.  
“I believe I didn’t asked you your name” I said, half sleeping. We didn’t spend time talking. Pleasuring three women at the same time is a full time job.  
“You didn’t, my lord. My name is Amber.”  
I startled unwillingly. Why, of all damn possibilities, _infinite_ possibilities Shadows can offer, it had to be _that_ name.  
“You’re kidding.”  
She chuckled. “My mother used to like this stone a lot. Their colour is …”  
“…The one of your eyes.” I finished, looking at her. I noticed before.  
“Yes. I don’t like it - my name I mean. Do you?”  
If I had been the superstitious kind of guy, I would had seen that as an omen. A call to return back home. Hopefully I wasn’t. Well in this situation, I just didn’t _wanted_ to see it as an omen.  
I felt a trump contact, it was Dworkin for sure. I denied the contact. I didn’t wanted to come home now. Anyway with the time differential between here and Amber I wasn’t gone for more than some hours. Well I hoped.  
However, I had to go back. I cannot hide forever, it was childish to run away from my responsibilities. I knew it.  
I knew what was wrong with the situation. It was pride. I was putting my wounded pride beyond the good of Amber. What mattered was that Amber was safe and out of danger. I wasn’t important how she was saved. If it was it’s king who saved it or the help of another shadow. She was unharmed and that’s all mattered. I was selfish to be angry at the situation. I shouldn’t act that way, it wasn’t _kingly_.  
Then guilt took me. I closed my eyes. _Amber needs you, you’re it’s King you must submit yourself to her will._  
In those time I wasn’t ruling for long but I needed no more to convince myself.   
I kissed the young beauty at my side and stroked her cheek. She was smiling. “I like your name.” I said, getting up.  
Time to get married.  


 


	8. Kitty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  "I was searching for a name. I wanted to piss her off. Really. Sweet little vengeances for all the time she treated me like I’m nothing. But force and power didn’t work on Clarissa. She didn't believed in the power over a King’s title. She just believed in power itself. In its true form. So every time she disrespected me to the point I couldn’t take it anymore, I searched for revenge."

Chapter 8  
  
Hopefully, the wedding and the events of the honeymoon didn’t changed anything in our relationship. She was still always fighting to be on top of things and get control and I was mesmerized by her as I was the first day we met. By the way, I kept my word. But I usually don’t have difficulties the first year and my new bride was all but boring in bed so I was distracted enough to not be tempted elsewhere.  
Clarissa was true and transparent. Even after our wedding, it was difficult for her to conciliate her own personality with the hypocrite and two-faced life of Amber Court. She wasn’t at ease with the nobles, and it was worse with the princes and the princess. Dame Margot, who instructed many of the newcomers in Court, took a great pleasure in instructing Clarissa about how to act with nobles and guests - even how to act with me in public because it was sometimes close to political disaster.  
Even if it was requested of her to act like a Queen, Clarissa never let go her own personality, in fact she added something fresh in the palace. Many liked her spirit and appreciated the way she had to speak plainly.  
About nine or ten months after her arrival in Amber, there was the third classic request. “I want to see the Pattern.”  
Usually, I don’t deny this request. First because showing the Pattern of Amber is nothing more or less than the one of Rebma who can be seen by everyone there, this is not a sacred relic for this is not the real thing. Second because there is no possibility someone who isn’t from the Royal House could be a threat to the Pattern. Well I won’t make it a tourist attraction either but I know my sons (and perhaps even my daughters) used it sometimes to impress lovers.  
But for no particular reason, I wasn’t convinced about the idea of bringing Clarissa down there to look at it. It was no sense, she couldn’t be a threat. Even with power and skills.  
Since she looked very serious about it I brought her down to the caves after dinner at the Court one night. I helped her down the stairs a few time since she looked to have difficulties to manage the descend with her dress. Once down the long twisted stairway, I offered her my arm and we began the long walk in the caves.  
“How many times did you walked it?” she asked, looking around her at the dark stone walls and closed iron doors.  
One of the guards offered us a lamp, I took it with a nod. “I don’t know. I stopped counting long ago.” I answered.  
“Is it easier with time? Walking it?”  
“No, it’s always hard. It takes time and a lot of physical and mental strength.”  
“What happen if you can’t make it to the end?”  
“You die.”  
Clarissa looked at me, frowning. “Really?” clearly she didn’t believe me. “You are saying the Pattern would destroy you if you can’t walk it? You? It’s nonsense, the Pattern needs you for your are the one ruling over Order. Killing you would be a waste.”  
“You are talking like if the Pattern is scient.” I observed  
“It isn’t?”  
“Well, say it is. If I walk the Pattern and fail, I’m showing it I don’t have the strength to handle such a test so I am not worthy of my heritage. That’s all. You’re not strong enough, you are discarded, that’s logical. Anyway, I can be replaced. I have heirs. So, giving what you said about the Pattern being true, there is no need for it to preserve my life if I fail at walking it.”  
She stopped in front of the right door. By herself. She touched the door carefully. “It’s there, I can feel it.”  
I was surprised, I didn’t give Clarissa’s powers enough credit, apparently.  
I unlocked the heavy door without saying anything and pushed it. Clarissa stepped in the room and walked towards the blue glimmering of the Pattern.  
I looked at her without moving. Something was wrong. I was feeling strange, like if I was doing something wrong and forbidden. I pushed away the urge to get out with Clarissa and leave the Pattern alone.  
“This is beyond any beauty.” she said as she reached the closest line. “I never saw something so magnificent and powerful. I can feel it. I feel the power coming from it.”  
She crouched extending her hand.  
“Don’t touch it.” I warned her.  
“It can harm me if I do?” her fingers were close to the outline, almost touching it, hesitating.  
“Yes. Don’t. Touch. It.” I didn’t know right now if I was more frightened at the idea the Pattern could harm my wife or at the idea my wife could harm the Pattern…  
Her eyes traveled over the design, she looked impressed and curious, like if she was gathering the informations she already had on the subject with the one she just learned. Nothing like the reaction people usually have when they see the Pattern. In fact, most of the people who aren’t from the Royal House just stay one or two minutes before leaving. Uneasiness is the most common comment we hear about the experience.  
“Is the legend true? About the creation of the Pattern?” she asked  
“The legend tends to be different depending of the Shadow it comes from and its remoteness from Amber. But, like any legend, there is a part of truth and a part of folklore in it.”  
She looked up at me “Do you know how it really happened?”  
“I wasn’t there if it’s what you’re asking. What are they saying about its creation in Mu?” I didn’t really wanted to know but I didn’t wanted to go on with the talk about how the world was created either. I knew Clarissa wouldn’t stop until she had all the details and it was out of the question for me to mention them.  
“They say it is a skillful artist coming from the end of the world who drew it. The legend say the artist was in love with a divinity back there. Someday to show her how much he loved her he decided to represent her image on a stone, to inscribe her beauty forever in our world. But she was too beautiful and he couldn’t manage to draw her correctly. This Pattern came instead from his hand. When the goddess saw it, she found the drawing to be the most perfect thing she ever set her eyes upon and she married him. She was so happy she gave the Pattern the power to create a new world and life itself.”  
I smiled. Never heard that version. I wondered what Dworkin would think of it.  
Clarissa smiled back. “Is it close to the truth?”  
I chuckled. “Let’s say it is, it’s a beautiful story either ways.”  
She took my hand and pulled on it. “Come down, I want to try something.”  
She was still crouched near the pattern and I knelt down at her side, unsure. She put her hand on the top of mine and carefully lowered our hands down until my fingers touched the blue line, but preventing her to be in contact directly with the Pattern. She closed her eyes, looking concentrated. After some seconds, she smiled softly without opening her eyes. “It knows you. As soon as you touched it, I almost could hear your name from it. All that power, it’s impressive.”  
Suddenly there was a spark directly under my fingers, I didn’t felt anything special but Clarissa jumped backwards with a start, holding her fingers.  
I gently removed my fingers off the Pattern and looked at her mockingly. “Did it bit you?”  
Clarissa looked angrily at the Pattern. “I just tried to make it understand I meant no harm.”  
I chuckled. “You think it’s afraid of you?”  
She frowned. “I know it is. I could feel it.”  
I shook my head, getting up. “There is no reason it should be.” I helped her up.  
“If I could make it understand I am not dangerous, perhaps I could try walking it someday.” Clarissa said, her eyes still on the Pattern.  
“There are easier ways to commit suicide.” I said and she looked back at me, furious. I took her hand and kissed her wounded fingers. Her eyes softened as I stroked her hair. “Ready to leave now?” I asked.  
She nodded, bitting her bottom lip with a last look at the Pattern.  
“Do we really have to take this stair again?” she asked, taking my arm.  
“Indeed. Will you be able to manage it with that dress or you want me to carry you up?” I said with a smirk.  
“Oh please, even with a broken ankle I wouldn’t ask you to carry me.”  
  
************  
  
Some days after, I was working late in my office. It was raining outside. I took dinner in my apartments instead of going downstairs to the dinning room so I hadn’t seen Clarissa since morning.  
I felt the stirring of a trump contact and the image of Dworkin appeared before me.  
“Good evening. I thought you were traveling in Shadows.” I said. I hadn't met him for almost a year now.  
“I was, I came back a week ago.” Dworkin answered.  
“What’s wrong?” no need to smalltalk with him. He didn’t wanted to check up on me. I knew he was calling me for a reason.  
“You got married.” he said  
“Yes.”  
“Interesting choice of wife.” Dworkin said with a wicked smile  
I raised an eyebrow with surprise. I put down my pen.  
“She is far from unanimous, and the discordance goes beyond our plane of existence, if you know what I mean.”  
Dworkin laughed openly. “I can guess.” he said. “She is quite an unusual woman.”  
I frowned. “You met her?”  
“I did. Yesterday. I was working in my apartments when I felt …” he hesitated. “I felt someone was near the Pattern of Amber, someone I didn’t know. So I went to see who it was.”  
I sighed. “Clarissa?”  
“Indeed. Quite an interesting woman…” he repeated, half lost in his thoughts.  
“I showed her the Pattern some days ago.” I said. “There is no reasons why she would go back there again.”  
He laughed again. “Well, she is the curious type. And powerful, too. It can be a dangerous combination.”  
I sighed again. It was so easy when women don’t ask questions…  
“Clarissa wanted to _walk_ the Pattern. I don’t know how but she guessed the Pattern was somehow scient. She is convinced that she can show the Pattern she is no harm to it so she’ll get its trust and could walk it after.”  
“Interesting theory no?” Dworkin said, stroking his beard.  
It was useless to try to convince him it wasn’t a so much interesting theory for me. First because Clarissa could be destroyed in the process and second because I didn’t want her to do experiment on the Pattern. She may be powerful and clever, but she didn’t mastered the Pattern’s powers. But knowing my father enough, I knew his opinion on the thing wouldn’t be the same. Because he was curious more than cautious.  
“I suppose it’s useless to tell you she can be a danger.” I said  
Dworkin laughed again.  
“Well, my boy. Your memory is short. May I remind you that _you_ have been warned she can be dangerous and _you_ didn’t listened?”  
How could I forget, anyway. It was useless to argue about that. I had made my choice.  
“Don’t worry, Oberon. Since _I_ agree with your choice, I will make sure your red-haired witch won’t do anything foolish. In fact, I don’t think the Pattern is afraid of her directly. Neither is our precious Unicorn. It’s what she represents. The threat is what she could bring with her, not herself.”  
I remained silent for a moment, thinking. Then I realized what Dworkin was trying to make me understand.  
“Children.” I simply said.  
“Yes. She is powerful and magic flows in her with ease. But she couldn’t be a real threat to the Pattern or the Order for she came from Shadow. But if she carries your child… Well, who knows what powers this child would possess.”  
“For now,” I said.”There is no one of my children who had showed abilities with magic. They know the basic of the Pattern’s powers, as we taught them to, and no one tried to understand or do more than that.”  
“Their respective mothers weren’t like Clarissa. She is a great improvement.” he objected  
I closed my eyes and sighed, exasperated. He had this way to see my marriages and the children like breeding experiments, with inquisitiveness more than attachment.  
“I agreed with Clarissa to instruct her about the Pattern. While she is learning from me, she is not trying to learn by herself.” he continued.  
“Well don’t go too far for I’ll have to deal with that after. She can be quite an hell when she wants to draw information from me.”  
“No need to worry.” he raised his hand, breaking the contact and I heard his voice fading while he continued to talk, more to himself now. “… Interesting choice, really…”  
  
********  
  
Her name was Françoise. She was young and naïve with a beauty of the first flowers of spring. dazzling and vivid. Long curled hair the colour of straw and large pale blue eyes, almost grey, like the sea in a cloudy day. Everything in her was effervescent, from her light curves, just blooming from a teenage body to a woman one, to her slim exposed shoulders.  
She wore a soft pink dress - a colour I used to dislike a lot, even on women. But it was suiting her, I had to admit. Gold embroideries on a tight corset showing the small curves of two shy breasts under it. She wanted to be seen. Perhaps too much.  
She was the kind of woman you bed once, just to taste her. But that’s all. Like an heavy sweetened candy. You take one, but taking another one is too much. The second time, it wouldn’t taste the same. There is nothing else to expect from a sweet little thing like this one.  
She was new at Court, Dame Margot (who took the good habit to always tell me about the newcomers), didn’t knew anything about her. She was a mystery and it makes her look more interesting.  
Of course no need to say I couldn’t talk to her directly for now. There was no way to go to her without breaking the etiquette or looking suspiciously interested.  
I was sitting around a table, Clarissa at my side was quiet, resting her head on my shoulder (Dame Margot and I stopped forbidding her to show such familiarity with me since she didn’t listened anyway). We were with some other nobles and I was trying to follow the talk going on between them but I was distracted by this young, sweet beauty at the other side of the room laughing at I don’t know what.  
Plan usually was 1) Tell my first groom to go to the lady. 2) Groom wait for the end of the night and tell the lady a simple sentence “The King wants to see you in private”. 3) Lady is surprised/honoured/afraid/excited. Depends. 4) Lady comes to my apartments with the groom, spend the night with me and that’s it. I usually don’t repeat step 4 a second time with this kind of plan.  
The plan worked even in a marriage going on. In fact it’s more efficient that way than keeping the same mistress. Less proofs, less fights.  
As to remind me of reality, Clarissa raised up a little. “I would retire, husband, if you don’t mind?”  
(Don’t worry we didn’t brainwashed her, she was well-behaved only in public and after a lot of lessons and compromises.)  
I nodded and kissed her hand. “I’ll see you later.” I answered.  
She stood up and bowed her head at the others with her usual charming smile before leaving.  
  
Later in the night, I too decided to leave the Court since I had an important meeting in the morning. Never been the early bird kind of guy.  
As I was walking in the quiet corridor of the east wing, I heard a noise near the stairs leading to the library. A soft voice I recognized immediately. “Hello?”  
My pink spring flower. Apparently lost. In my castle. What a bad coincidence.  
I turned back and went to the stairway. She was on the third step, looking around her. Apparently her search for an exit busied her enough to not take notice of me.  
“My Lady.” I said.  
She started, as soon as her eyes were on me, she bowed. “Your Majesty.”  
“Are you lost, my Lady?”  
She looked around with a shy smile. “I must admit I am, Sire.”  
I extended my arm and she shyly took my hand, blushing. She went down the stairs, holding her dress with her other hand. I pulled on her hand a little to be sure she would be drawn closer to me with her last step, without being aware of it.  
I just wasn’t able to think otherwise. It was so natural. I always acted like that. Beside, I knew she wanted me. The way her breathe grew more and more fast when as I was close to her, and her gaze running away from mine partly with respect, partly with desire.  
I brushed away a strand of blonde hair from her shoulder and leaned to kiss the side of her neck. I heard a small gasp coming from her.  
I closed my eyes, my hands raised to her waist. I would just taste her, one time. Clarissa was surely asleep, she wouldn’t notice.  
Clarissa …  
You think I had a sudden rush of guilt? No.  
I just realized how strange and coincidental the events were this evening. A young, perfect, willing and prude beauty coming from Court and no one knows where she comes from, the same beauty running into me in a quiet corridor late in the night, apparently lost and now more than willing to be taken?  
I raised up a little, looking at her face. Her eyes were closed, she looked like she was unsure if she was pleased or afraid. Nothing new here coming from a so young thing. But still…  
“Tell me, my Lady, who invited you at Court?”  
She raised her eyes on me, now she was truly afraid.  
“It’s Her Majesty the queen.” she said, hesitating.  
I smiled to myself. So it was a trap. A gorgeous trap wrapped in pink ribbons. I should had guessed. It was too obvious. But how can I say, women are my weak point and I can’t think straight when a beauty like this is around. Clarissa knew this. She wanted to test me.  
I gently took the arm of my sweet trap and helped her find her way out of the castle to her carriage.  
My feelings were parted. I was angry at my wife but I also found the situation quite funny because the trap actually almost worked. She was a good tactician, I have to admit it. But there was also the fact she tried to fool me and crossed again the line I told her a thousand time not to cross. So how to play that? Should I be the good, honest husband or the mean, vengeful king?  
I went to her apartment to find out she wasn’t there, I sighed, knowing exactly where she was. I also told her a thousand time not to go in my rooms when I wasn’t there but each time she was coming back before me at night, she managed to enter in my bedroom and go to sleep in my bed.  
After we had been married, she found out she would have her own private rooms separated from mine. She disagreed with that, saying she would anyway sleep in my bed every night. Saying her things about the principles of private life had proven to be useless.  
I found her in my bed, reading a book she borrowed from Dworkin a week ago. She was wearing a short black lace night gown. Her legs were crossed in front of her and her hair was tied up with a large pin with a white pearl on top. It was obviously another way of her to make sure I would be distracted enough while we fight.  
“Good evening.” she said without raising her eyes on me.  
“You really think I would fall into your trap, Clarissa?”  
“You almost did.”  
“Well next time try something - or someone - less obvious.”  
She closed her book and raised amused eyes at me. “The sight of her didn’t pleased you enough, Sire?”

“I dislike pink.”  
“It suited her well.” she rolled and went on her four, moving to the edge of the bed with catlike ease where I was standing. She stopped close to me, raising on her knees. Even in that position, I was one head taller than her. She raised her hand and gently stroked my cheek. “I could be alone right now and my beloved husband could be bedding another woman. But you are here with me. I’m proud of you, my love.”  
I took a step back with annoyance. “You are _proud_ of me?” There she was again, crossing that damn line. Thinking she can test me and then reward/punish me after if I succeed/failed. Control. That what it was about. She wanted to be certain she could control me, that I would act the way she wanted.  
“Well, what was your plan exactly if I had fell into your trap, Clarissa? Or right now, since I didn’t? You were scheming this for how long exactly?”  
“That’s a lot of questions. No need to tell you what I had planned for your punishment since …”  
“… Wait” I cut her “ _Punishment_? Who exactly do you think you are?”  
Clarissa smiled mockingly and it only pissed me more.  
“Don’t take it that way, Oberon. You said to me before we got married you weren’t sure you could keep your promise. I just proved you can.”  
“I don’t have to prove you _anything_. I promised, it should be enough for you. The fact you set this trap means you don’t trust me.”  
“I should trust you? Tell me, my husband, did you refused to take her because you knew I was trying to ensnare you or to keep your promise?”  
“The fact I didn’t cheated you is enough. I repeat: I don’t have to prove anything.”  
“Right, because you’re the King.”  
“Exactly.” I hoped for a second the sudden coldness in my voice would be enough to stop her. I knew I usually had no patience with this kind of talk and the last thing I wanted was to lose control again.  
Clarissa remained silent for a moment, she looked like she was trying to understand something about me.  
“She really stopped to question you when you threw the king thing at her?”  
“Who are you talking about?” I knew who. But I didn’t wanted Clarissa to mention anything about her.  
“The so perfect Queen of Amber who preceded me.”  
Even after thirty years, it still hurt. And coming from her, it hurt more. But no way I was going to show her. So I remained calm and stared at her coldly.  
“I see. So you have no woman to be jealous about right now since I remain faithful so you pick a dead one instead?”  
“Well I heard what they say behind my back. About her and about how much I’m _not_ her.”  
“We won’t fight about that. That’s nonsense. Faeilla passed away three decades ago. She was a praised queen, and it took a lot of time for Amber to mourn her passing.”  
She darkened.  
“Interesting. That way you have to mention _Amber_ when you talk about yourself.”  
This time I darkened but didn’t answered. She was right but no way I was going to tell her.  
“Well, how did she reacted, when she was questioning you and you shut her up?”  
I locked my eyes on her, my voice colder than before. “Faeilla never questioned me.”  
“It may explain why you got bored and stopped sleeping with her.” Clarissa’s voice was bitter.  
“That’s what they used to say at Court. You shouldn’t believe everything that is said there. Beside, my relationship with the last queen isn’t of your concern. I won’t justify myself to you about what happened. I told you a thousand times to learn to know your place, Clarissa.”  
She smiled lustfully and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me closer. She made sure her body was close enough to mine so I could feel the delightful curves of her breasts against me and the soft, insistent move of her hips brushing my thighs. This strategy she used proved to be effective for I quickly changed my mind and stopped being mad at her. I cursed at myself. This way she had to be so certain of herself, so enterprising, like if it was clear the battle was already won, always moved me the same way. She was daring and bold, it makes her the most desirable woman and also the less livable one at the same time.  
She nuzzled at the side of my neck and I could feel her warm breath against my skin when she whispered to my ear. “I know my place very well, Oberon. It’s right here, in your bed, my whole body burning with pleasure, and you under me.”  
I was about to say something but she raised her hand to her head and pulled out the hairpin. Immediately, her hair fell down in a cascade of red curls all around her.  
Forthwith, I knew I was defeated.  
Damn you Clarissa.  
  
**********  
  
I was searching for a name. I wanted to piss her off. Really. Sweet little vengeances for all the time she treated me like I’m nothing. But force and power didn’t work on Clarissa. She didn't believed in the power over a King’s title. She just believed in power itself. In its true form. So every time she disrespected me to the point I couldn’t take it anymore, I searched for revenge.  
This morning I was searching for a name. A nickname. I couldn’t decide. Every name seemed wrong with her. Too sweet, the others coming to mind cannot be said in public without sounding peculiar.  
I was walking near the stables, lost in my thoughts when I heard a soft meowing near my foot. I looked down and saw a kitten, small, covered with ginger hair. I grabbed it and lifted it to my eyes. It hissed at me, obviously irritated. It was so small, a little ball of ginger fur. There was something familiar in its blue eyes.  
I found my name. Kitty. She’s going to hate it.  
I took the kitten with me to the castle. I’ll wrap it up and give it to Clarissa. 

  
***********  
  
It was early in the morning. Too early. I rolled at the other side of the bed when Clarissa tossed quickly the sheets away and got out of the bed, running to the bathroom. I heard a classic sound indicating me I had guessed right, she was pregnant. It’s been more than one month now since I noticed it. The changes in her were obvious. I know she didn’t wanted to, she said she wasn’t ready for kids. But kids are inevitable consequences of passion.  
She came back to the bed some minutes after and lied down with a soft moan. I was turning my back at her so she didn’t saw me smile.  
The fact of having a pregnant wife in my life always made me feel … how can I say it without sounding weird? Productive? I don’t know, it feels right and positive. It’s the same feeling I have when I watch Amber grow and bloom. Satisfaction and proudness.  
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a good father. Being a good husband is already hard enough (and I’m not always that good) so being a good father is an achievement I cannot even think to reach. It’s not so bad when the children are young and when I can spend time with them (it’s not very often). But as they grow, they become partly a burden, partly a threat. I can’t trust any of them and I can’t show affection or favour one more than another for they would see it as a sign I found my heir and make sure he/she would disappear. I usually have more easiness with my daughters who are less aggressive with the succession matter because they believe the princesses of Amber cannot have a claim upon the throne, a statement I never made, by the way.  
So the fact of having a large family gave me satisfaction as long as we talk about the image, the message it gives to the others. No need to tell you the Royal house of Amber is a respected and praised family who must inspire and reflect the image of Amber herself: strength, greatness, timeless and wit. All those things and so much more. If the family is large, it looks mightier and serves better the kingdom’s image.  
Of course, when you take a closer look at our house, this is not so much great as it looks from the outside. Mostly because my sons and daughters share my blood, and they have a part of myself to varying degrees within them. There  is mistrust, pride, boldness and vanity in the blood of Amber. And even if those characteristics are not always bad ones and can be useful in many situations, it tends to lead to distrust between us. I never showed them they could trust me anyway, so I suppose they just repeat the same behaviour. I am a deeply secretive and privy person and I always gave them minimal informations about Amber, about myself and especially about power and what it implies. I don’t want them to know the burden that is the crown and how hard and caging the throne is. Letting them know would scare them, they would see it as an obstacle to their own private freedom. One day, I will need a heir. It’s better if the crown looks appealing than if it looks confining (even if the last one is more realistic). At least if it looks like a way to achieve fame, power and wealth over the Reality, there is more chances my my children would want to succeed me.   
I know they are scheming, fighting and even some are obsessed with the crown, but I like better to see them turning at each other throats for the throne than to look at me with compassion and pity saying “poor Dad how hard it must be to King, I wouldn’t like to be at his place.”  
Why am I saying all that? Oh yes. Clarissa, pregnant.  
Later in the morning we were having breakfast in the small dining room near our apartments. I was half reading the newspapers, half looking at her with an amused smile. She was distractedly playing with a piece of bread between her fingers, looking all but starving. Perhaps she felt I was looking at her because she raised her blue eyes at me.  
I feigned ignorance. “Is there something wrong, kitty?”  
She winced, but much more softer than she usually did when I used that nickname.  
“Don’t call me like that.” she shrugged. “I’m not hungry.”  
“Are you sick, my love?” I didn’t know if she thought I was stupid enough not to notice, or if she was just afraid of the situation.  
“Oberon …” she began, looking away. She bit her bottom lip with hesitation, touching her belly with her right hand, lost in her thoughts.  
I put the newspaper away, rose and went to her side, stroking her cheek.  
“I know, Clarissa.”  
She turned her head to me, looking surprised. I chuckled. Apparently, she thought I didn’t noticed.  
“I know for a time now, in fact. I was waiting for you to be ready to tell me.” I explained.  
She threw the bread on her plate with a sight and stood up, she looked sad and frightened, nothing of the strong and fiery woman I usually knew.  
I gently took her in my arms, kissing her hair.  
“It’s alright, my love. I’m happy you’re with child.”  
Word of advice: never tell a pregnant woman something else than that.  
She looked up at me, looking relieved already.  
See? It always works.  
“You are?”  
“Of course.” I stroked her messed ginger curls. “Don’t worry with that. You being pregnant is a positive event.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I enjoyed writing this, really. Remember, first time in english so be kind ^_^
> 
> I hope you liked it, there isn't enough Amber Chronicles fanfic/fandom


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